Craving Forgiveness

29

"Erik. Have you left this room at all since I've been here?" You asked laying in the bed waiting for your test results.

"Do you really want the answer to that?"

"Yes I do."

He sighed, "No Atarah. I haven't left this room since you've been here."

Your brows furrowed with frustration, "Have you eaten?"

He gave a nod,"only if someone brought food to me. I never finish it all though."

"Erik. Are you freaking kidding me?"

"What?"

"You put your life on hold for me. You could've died from undernourishment. Just look at you, you're wasting away to nothing."

He stood and walked over to you,"Atarah, allow me to brief you on the situation." He took your hand," you were dying. You died a few times, sometimes in my arms." He fought back tears. "You're my soulmate. My queen, my spoiled princess. I can't imagine life without you. I don't want to live without you. I can't. I tried to spend every moment I could with you. Sometimes I would beg Charles to give me a look into your brain. It was like you were here," He kissed your palm," with me. It was hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined. You just don't understand how much I love you. You don't understand the impact you have on my life. You don't understand you're my everything and more."

"Erik I don't know what to say."

"Say you love me."

You smiled," I love you Erik."

Right then the nurse came in," Ms. Kennedy, look like you'll be okay. You've sustained some serious injuries but you'll be okay, you'll need lots of rest, elevate your broken ankle and take the prescriptions as prescribed and schedule a doctors appointment for two weeks from now. Come right out to the front desk when you're ready and we'll sign you out."

Erik helped you out of the bed and waited outside while you got dressed.

You quickly signed the papers not wanting to be in that hospital anymore.

Erik pulled his car around as the nurse wheeled you out to the front.

You quietly hummed to the songs on the radio until you got to the mansion.

"Erik, I can walk you know." you said looking up at him.

"I know, but I just want to carry you." he winked down at you and entered the house.

Erik carried you up to your room and left to get you some real food.

"Hey Atarah." Alex said standing in the door way.

"Hey Alex," you smiled,"Come on in."

He walked into the room and sat on the bed next to you.

"I've missed you, how are you feeling princess?"

"Not too bad I guess."

"You guess? Whats wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong."

"You know you've never been able to lie to me Atarah. What is it?"

"It's just this whole thing with you and Erik, I know i probably shouldn't be asking you advice cause you'd want me to chose you but I dont know that to do."

"Atarah I want your best interest at heart."

"That's my issue! If i were to ask Erik what to do he would tell me to chose him even if i were happier with you. Its just so stressful. I love you both so much its tearing me apart."

Alex wiped a tear you didn't know had escaped and he pulled you into a hug. "You'll make the right choice even if it isn't me.

"Atarah, I've asked Hank to make something for yo-" Erik stopped at what you assumed to be the sight of Alex hugging you. "Get you hands off of her."

You pulled away appalled by Erik's harsh words. "Erik! Stop that."

There was a strange look in Alex's eyes. It looked like anger and jealousy. You've never seen that look in him before. "Why should I? Look what you've done to her Erik." he stood up and got in Erik's face. " LOOK AT HER ERIK!" He grabbed Erik's collar and Erik looked at you dismally.

"Alex stop it!" you shouted watching helplessly.

"You did that to her! You caused her so much pain. You abandoned her when she needed you the most. All she ever did was love you and you can't see how much you've hurt her. You are so stupid!"

Erik gabbed Alex by his neck and held him against the wall. "Don't you dare lecture me. Look at you. You're pathetic. Marrying a girl who you know doesn't love you. Pathetic, rather than let her be happy with someone else you take her all for yourself!"

The others ran into the room, Hank went to stop Erik and Alex when Charles stopped him, "Don't. They need to do this."

"What someone else Erik?!?! You were never there!"

"That's a lie and you know it! I saw her every few months! You knew she would be happier with me but you were selfish."

"You knew you weren't good for her Erik! That's why you made me keep quiet about your visits. You're a coward. You knew she deserved better. You knew I was better."

Erik stared at Alex angrily, "Touch her again and I will break you." he let go of Alex and stormed out of the room.

You rushed as fast as you could over to Alex, "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine." He stood up and brushed himself off.

"Alex, what was he talking about? Did he really come see me?"

He looked at you but stayed silent for a moment. "Tell me." you said through your teeth.

"Yes Atarah, its true."

You were taken aback, you wanted to believe it was false. "You made me hate him. For what?! So I'd love you?! I thought him leaving was my fault. You knew that!" you shoved angrily at his chest. "I hated myself for that i thought i did and you let me."

He reached out for you and you pulled away,"Don't you DARE touch me Alex."

You ran out of the room grabbing your bag on the way out. You hopped in Charles's car and drove away.

One drink turned into two and two into twelve.

You noticed Raven and Jean at a table across the bar. They watched you but let you have your space. Surely Charles' idea.

You gave Jean the keys and stumbled out of the bar and called a taxi.

"Atarah, do you have any idea what time it is? I was worried sick" Erik scolded as you walked into the house.

"Look who cares now." you bit back.

"What does that mean Atarah?"

"Oh please Erik, you know what I mean."

"Atarah I'm sorry."

"Are you though? Or is that another one of your lies? What do you want from me Erik? All you do is pull me in and push me away for what? Does it amuse you? Does making me hurt fulfill some kind of sick fantasy you have? What is it?!" you shouted slightly.

He opened his mouth to talk,  "You know what, I don't want to know. I dont care." you turned away and began walking up the stairs when you stopped and turned back to see him on his knees, " You and Alex, stay away from me."