Craving Forgiveness

31

Erik held your hand and kissed it gently. "What do you want to do now my love? I'm all yours."

You smiled," Let's just relax and talk."

He nodded before helping you up and leading you to the living room.

He laid back against the arm rest and he pulled you into his lap and you laid against him.

He kissed your head but the room stayed silent for a moment.

"Where did you go?" You asked breaking the silence. "After...you know."

"I went back to Germany for a while. Then just wandered around Europe before coming back here."

"What'd you do there?"

"Try to forget about you." He answered honestly. "I would always find a girl who resembled you. Whether it be your hair, or eyes, or lips but as soon as they opened their mouth I became uninterested. Their voices weren't soft and sweet. They didn't say anything adorable or intelligent. They were so boring and plain. So hollow. I then changed my focus to finding your parents. And before you can scold me I just felt like you deserved answers."

"Did you find them?"

"Yes. I'm sorry Atarah. They're dead."

You sighed, it was a mixture of sadness and relief. "Don't be sorry Erik. They weren't good people I'm sure they lived an almost full life."

"But they were your parents."

"They don't deserve that title. The Kennedy's were my parents. They loved me. They took care of me. They fed me and clothed me and gave me a place to live and money and friends and I am eternally grateful that the people who gave birth to me realized they couldn't do a good job and abandoned me."

"Atarah..."

"Don't defend them Erik. I have them to thank for these scars."

"What do you mean my love?"

"The low-life's who kidnapped me when I was with the Kennedy's. It was my birth parents. They wanted money. They said I owed them. They whipped me when I didn't give them information on where to find the money. I don't mean like a spanking Erik. I mean with an actual whip. They chained me to the ceiling and whipped me until my shirt tore and I bled. They don't deserve an ounce of remembrance. I'm glad their dead."

He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you tightly for a hug.

You were angry, you never told anyone that before it was like rehashing the wounds.
"Erik don't." You said not wanting his pity but he just hugged you tighter causing you to burst into a ball of tears and cry heavily into his chest.

He held and and rubbed your back soothingly what felt like an eternity.

Erik placed your half asleep body in the bed and kissed your forehead. He began to walk away but you grabbed your wrist before he could get too far.

His head snapped in your direction.
"Don't leave me please." You softly begged.

He looked down at your at your soft broken frame. He gave a single nod and sat next to the bed.

You gave him a confused look. Why didn't he want to lay in the bed with you?

"Erik? Why didn't you come in the bed with me?" you said with a hurt tone in your voice.

"I'm scared."

You sat up to be more alert, "Scared of what Erik?"

"I don't want to hurt you again. You're so fragile, like glass."

You shook your head, "You wont hurt me Erik. I trust you. You aren't like my parents. You won't hurt me. As long as you love me you wont hurt me."

He stayed silent but looked at you for a lifetime.

He slowly stood up and climbed into the bed with you. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close and he placed his head in the crook of your neck. He placed a soft kiss there. So soft it was hard to detect.

You pulled away from him and he gave you a confused look.

"Stop it Erik."

"Stop wha-"

"Erik, I'm the same person I was yesterday. I am no more fragile than I was then. I am the same person who stood up to you and Alex. Stop treating me like I'm going to break."

He stood up and walked towards you, "Atarah that isn't what I'm doing."

"Yes it is Erik. Maybe you don't realize it but that is exactly what you are doing." you ran your hand through your hair. "I knew I shouldn't have said anything."

Hurt crossed his face, "Are you saying that was a mistake?"

"I'm saying I dont want you to treat me differently. I'm saying if I would have known that is how it would be I wouldn't have told you."

He took a deep breath, "Of course I'm treating you differently Atarah. Someone HURT you. Someone who you should trust someone who should love you. They abandoned you then kidnapped you and beat you. Aren't you furious?!"

"Why Erik? What good does that do me? My father used to say 'Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.' and I dont. I never forgot what I went through or what they did. I remember it every time I take my clothes off or every time someone at the beach points at my scars. But it is worthless to stay mad about something you can't change. Being mad about it only hurts me. They don't care they never did so why should I?"

He looked at you searchingly, "I'm afraid that's easier said than done my love."

You touched his cheek, "I know baby, but you have to try. The sooner you learn to let things go the happier you'll be."

She leaned down and kissed you," You're incredible."

"I'm also sleepy so can we go to bed now?"

He threw his head back and laughter as you climbed into bed.

He laid beside you and pulled you to him once again. He kissed your forehead.

"Goodnight my love. I absolutely adore you."

You kissed his cheek and smiled, "Back atcha."