Craving Forgiveness

30

You woke up to the blinding, nauseating sun shining in your face.

You groaned and sat up instantly regretting getting drunk last night.

It was somewhat justifiable.

You were in love with selfish men who lied and hid things from you.

You sat on the bed crying before you decided to stop being such a baby and got out of bed.

You showered and got dressed before tiptoeing down to the kitchen.

"Good morning Atarah. How are you feeling?" Hank asked placing a plate in front of you.

You gave a deep exhausted sigh,"I'm okay I guess. Just so stressed."

He sat next to you, "Do you want some advice?"

You perked up, "yes please!"

"Who do you love?"

"Both of them."

"Okay. Who do you see yourself with?"

"Right now no one. They lied to me Hank."

"I know and it's wrong of them but you didn't see what I saw."

"What did you see?"

"They're torn apart. They're distraught. They haven't left their rooms all morning."

"Hank you don't understand. They lied to me. All I ever did was give them love and honesty and they couldn't even reciprocate it. I felt terrible when Erik left. I thought it was my fault. I hated myself. I was depressed. I thought something bad had happened to Erik I thought he was dead. That's the ONLY way I could cope and move on. But he knew how I felt about him and he came and saw me and never told me. And Alex is worse. He knew I loved Erik more he knew I hated myself and he didn't care. He let Erik see me knowing how we felt about each other but he didn't say a word he watched me in pain and agony for his own good."

"You don't believe that do you Atarah?"

"I don't know what to believe."

"They had your best interest at heart. They were only thinking of you. They want you to be safe and happy and they know that couldn't happen because of Erik. You've been hospitalized two times because of him."

"I don't know Hank. I opened my heart to them and they hurt me."

He looked away for a second and looked back at you before standing up,"Looks like you're not the only one who's hurt." He walked away and you looked and saw Erik and Alex standing in the doorway.

You sighed.  And they walked over to the table and sat down.

Both of them looked bloodshot and sleep deprived.

Your heart broke a little.

"Atarah. Words cannot express how regretful and sorry we feel." Erik began.

"We hurt you unintentionally but hurt you nonetheless. We lied and we were selfish and nothing we say or do can take that away. We're sorry and we understand your decision to not want to speak to us." Alex added.

"Alex can I talk to Atarah alone please."

"Erik, you said we'd do this together."

"Well I changed my mind." He said harshly. "Leave."

Alex muttered something under his breath before exiting the room.

Erik reached for your hand you went to pull away but he grabbed it before you could.

"Atarah, my love I know you're disgusted with me and I am too. But please hear me out. I love you. I've never loved anyone so much before, seeing the pain I caused you makes me hate myself and want to do unspeakable things. I need you more than the air I breathe. You are my oxygen. I cannot live without you. I was wrong and I admit that. I lied and hid from you but in my defense I truly and honestly thought it was best for you. You were in that hospital because of me and I was helpless. I told Alex to keep quiet because I knew he would take care of you and if you knew I visited you then you would know that I cared and I wanted you to hate me. I thought it would be easier for you to move on from me. I did everything for you. I thought it would help. I was a fool." He got on his knees before you and took both of your hands. He fought tears as he struggled to talk," I cannot live with this pain in my heart. I cannot live without you. I've hurt you and I'm sorry. I cannot make up for what I have done and I can't make up for the time lost but let me make you happy. Please forgive me my love. Please forgive me Atarah. Please."

You looked down to see a broken man in front of you.

On his knees begging for forgiveness, begging for another chance, begging to be happy again.

His eyes were red with tears and he had dark circles under his eyes from his previous sleepless night.

You feared saying no. You were afraid of hurting him again. You didn't want to. You wanted to make a statement, make them know that you are not to be lied to but everything in you called out to him. Everything in your made you need to say yes.

You intently looked down at him his eyes never leaving yours.

You gently squeezed his hands," I forgive you Erik. You hurt me but I can't stay mad at you. I love you and I don't want to see you hurt anymore but I don't want to hurt anymore either."

"I will never hurt you. I could never. Seeing the pain I've brought you, I could never do it again. I'm not perfect Atarah. I have faults and I can't be all that you want but I can try my best."

"You are all that I want and you're the only one I want." You smiled and pulled his face to yours as you placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do Erik. I love you."

"I love you more."

You opened your mouth to protest but he kissed you,"don't even disagree."

A/n boy was this chapter cheesy. Anyways thanks for 2k reads so far you guys are amazing! Keep reading and voting and commenting. Merci beaucoup! Have a good day.