Craving Forgiveness

21

"Erikk. Do you think I'm pretty?"you slurred still drunk.

"Of course. I do. You know I-"

"Even though I'm.." You paused and looked around before whispering, "black."

"Atarah. You're skin color does not diminish your beauty in the slightest. I love your skin."

"I wish other people did tooooo."

"What do you mean?"

"People made fun of me. A year before my dad announced he was running for president my mom sent me to live in London. To hide me. So I wouldn't ruin their reputation. Even before that I was couldn't go out with them a lots."

"That's very cruel." Erik added a bit baffled.

"Yeah... Yeah! But!" You say up excitedly." My dad sent for me as soon as he won. It took him a while to find me. Mom didn't tell him where I was. But soons he found me he brought me home and I didn't have to be alone anymores."

"You speak very highly of him."

You nodded," he's the only one who wanted me and loved me. He took care of me when my own parents didn't want to."

"Can I ask you about your parents? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want. You're drunk and I know you'll tell the truth that's why I'm asking you now but if it's too much you don't have to."

"Those people don't deserve to be talked about. They suck!"

"It's okay. You don't have to talk-"

"They abandoned me Erik. Who abandons a 5 year old?"

"I thought the Kennedy's found you when you were 7?"

You nodded. "They did. I was homeless for a little. But we'll get to that." You took a deep breath and began feeling yourself sober up from all the water Erik was making you drink.

"My mother was from Atlanta. My dad was from here in D.C. I don't know my real last name. My great grandparents and grandparents were slaves. They took the last name of their owner. They were called Williams. So my birth name is Mallory Williams. It's hideous I know. Anyways. When my mother was 16 she fell in love with a white man. Both their parents and the people in the community were outraged. They threatened her and my grandparents kicked her out due to their rage. So she came here to D.C where she met my dad. She got pregnant with me almost immediately and she had me when she was almost 18. She couldn't handle it so she drank all the time and smoked. My dad worked like a slave and always came home angry and hit my mom and me. She still stayed with him. She let me hit me. I could understand if you don't care for yourself but you just let someone constantly beat your 5 year old daughter? Then one day, they just never came home." You were fighting back tears at this point. " I remember waiting and waiting and waiting. I got soo hungry. I left the house to find food and a woman found me. I told her I didn't know where my parents were and she called the cops and they did and investigation and had to stop looking after a while when they didn't turn up. I was put in foster care. I was one of the few black kids in there. I was teased, picked on, bullied and called everything under the sun. It was awful. I decided I'd rather be homeless than stay there so I ran away. I lived on the streets for a year then the rest is history."

Erik stayed silent in thought for a few minutes.
"I can't begin to imagine the struggles and pain you've endured. You are phenomenal. I've seen men bring world leaders to their knees but they'll never be as strong as you."

You gave him a weak smile," thanks."

"No no," he took your hand," don't be sad I didn't mean to make you upset. I just wanted to know more about you."

"I'm not sad. I just feel unaccomplished. I've gone through all of that. I've struggled. I've beat negativity and suicidal thoughts and people trying to kill me and what have I done with my life? I've gotten a man killed. My dad died because of me and I can't even make up for it. I'm pathetic."

"You are not! Atarah unless you want me to say those crazy things again I suggest you take that back and never think nor say anything like that again."

You nodded,"fine."

"You saved two lives so far. Mine and Raven. And tomorrow you're going to save two more when we find President Johnson's daughters."

You sighed and smiled," you're right."

He kissed your hand," I usually am."

"Yeah whatever."

You laid back onto the floor and yawned.
"Ready for bed my love?" Erik asked and you nodded up at him.

He bent down to pick you up.

"Nooooo. I wanna sleep here."

"You wanna sleep on the floor... of the greenhouse?"

Your eyes narrowed in thought," well now that you say it out loud it does sound bad." You lifted your arms so he could pick you up.

"I'm sure you'd be fine to walk." He commented.

"Oh I know I am. But you're so warm am I'm so sleepy and I'm still a little drunk."
He laughed," that you are."

He gently laid you in the bed and kissed your forehead. "Goodnight my love."

You grabbed his arm," are you.." You paused," are you leaving me?"

He gave a solid nod, "I need to get ready for tomorrow. Me and the others leave early in the morning."

You sat up remembering their mission. "Can I come?"

His jaw clenched. "Absolutely not. You will stay here until we return do you understand?"

"Erik that isn't fair. You all are risking your lives for me."

"And we do it willingly because we love you and want you safe. Safe means staying away from the danger which means staying here until we get back. Do you understand me Atarah?"

You sighed and laid back down and stayed quiet for a second before getting back up.

"Promise you'll come back to me."

He looked at you intently before leaning in and kissing you.

"I promise."