Craving Forgiveness

19

You stomped all the way downstairs.

What an asshole! You thought to yourself.

"Hey Atarah."

You turned into the direction the voice came from.

"Hey Alex."

"You okay? You look a bit.."

"Mad?" You butt in.

"I was gonna say steaming but that works too."

He gave a concerned look. "Trouble in paradise?"

"If only it were paradise."

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked grabbing your hand gently and you noticed Erik at the top of the banister.

"I would love to." You answered and dragged Alex off.

Sure it was a cold move but Erik needed to be punished.

You dragged Alex out to the patio. He pulled out your chair.

"Such a gentleman."you said loudly noticing Erik glaring down from the upstairs window.

He smiled and sat down across from you. "So what's up?"

"Not much. Just the usual Erik problems."

"That can't be easy."

You sighed. "Oh it's not. He's so ugh! I hate him but I love him it's confusing."

His face fell," you...you love him?"

Dammit. You shouldn't have said that to him. "Alex. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have told you that."

"I'm a big boy. I can handle it. Can't say it didn't hurt like hell but I'll be fine."

"If it's any consolation, you're way nicer than Erik."

He smiled widely and gave a nod, "I'll take it. So what did he do?"

"I don't know I just feel like he doesn't want to be with me. And now he's lying and saying he does but he can't and it's frustrating. I think I deserve the truth."

"You deserve the world Atarah. And if he doesn't want to give it to you then he isn't worth your precious presence."

Alex sure knew how to break a heart. Each compliment stung badly.

"You're too kind Alex."
"Thanks I try."

You laughed loudly, "don't get cocky mister."

He shrugged," hard not to when the most beautiful girl I know compliments me."

"Alex..." You trailed off.

"I know I know I should stop. Sorry." He sighed," so what are you gonna do about Erik?"

"Hmm. I guess just talk to him. Make him listen. And if doesn't want to then I won't waste my time."

He smiled. "Sounds good to me."

You and Alex talked for another hour or so before Erik came looking for you.

"Atarah. May I have a word with you?" He asked cutting into your conversation with Alex.

"I'm talking to my friend Erik." You fought back.

"Atarah. Please."

You sighed heavily and stood up to give Alex a hug. "I'll see you later."

You followed Erik into the house, up the stairs and into your bedroom.

He closed the door behind him and turned to face you.

He stayed quiet as he walked towards you.

He came closer and closer still saying silent.
"Erik don't." You flatly protested.

He wrapped his arm around your waist and you tried to shrug away.

"Erik stop."

He took your chin in his hands to focus you on his face. "Atarah. I deeply apologize. My words can never amount to how sorry I feel. I-"

You broke free and pulled him away.

"Don't you dare pity me Erik! I don't need nor want it. I am tired of being pitied. I'm a strong, independent woman and I don't need handouts. So please. Save it for someone else."

Hurt crossed his face. "Atarah. Someone hurt you. Those scars. Someone did that to you." He said with fury and agony.

"Yes. Someone did but someone hurt you too." You added.

"I am nothing!" He yelled back. "Don't you understand. I am nothing! And you! You are everything! And someone has hurt you. How someone could hurt such a beautiful creature as yourself is beyond my comprehension. Atarah." He shook his head. "I will protect you from anything and everything. I will keep you safe from anyone who wants to hurt you and crush your spirit. I am your slave."

"Erik stop it! You sound crazy."

"Can't you tell I'm in love with you? I adore you. I worship the ground you walk on. You are a goddess among men. You are strong. If I was half as strong as you are I wouldn't have done those terrible things. I wouldn't be a monster. My mother wouldn't be disappointed."

"She's not disappointed. You're her son, she loves you unconditionally. She's sad but she also has seen how far along you've come. How much better you've been. She's proud of you Erik." You took his hand as kissed his palm.

He gave you a small smile. "You're incredible."
You shrugged," So I've been told."

You pulled him to the small couch and sat down and he followed suit.

"Look Erik, I love you and I want to be with you but I want you to make a few changes. Do you think you can give it a try? For me?"

He gave a nod," what changes?"

You sat up getting ready to talk, "okay one: stop being so hard on yourself. It's painful and so unnecessary. Two: stop being so cold. You can't be a jerk all the time Erik you need to let things go, take a chill pill or something. Relax. Three: don't ever lie to me. Simple. Just don't. Four: stop being so crazy! I am not a goodness and you are not my slave. It's sweet but it's crazy. We are equals. Five: put effort into this. At least as much as I am putting.  And Six: Talk to me. You can't just stomp away whenever your mad. You have a big mouth so use it."

He looked you for a moment, " I suppose I can give it a try." He coolly said and you rolled your eyes but smiled.