Craving Forgiveness

28

The light in the room was blinding. You squinted as you tried to look around the room.

Alex was on one side of your bed and Erik was on the other.

Both were fighting to stay awake.

"Am I interrupting your pissing contest?" You croaked out causing them to jump out of their seats and be by your side.

"Atarah. How are you feeling princess?" Alex asked.

"Terrific." You said sarcastically and he rolled his eyes.

Erik sighed heavily,"Atarah. Please."

"I'm fine just tired and sore."

He nodded.

"I'll let the nurse know you're awake." He responded and left the room.

Alex sighed, "I leave you alone for 5 minutes and you get hospitalized."

You laughed and winced at the pain immediately regretted it. "Don't laugh."

"Stop making me."

"I'm so sorry Atarah." His eyes softened. "I hate seeing you like this."

"It's not that bad. I'll be okay. I will be okay right?"

"They aren't sure yet. You were shot twice times. They removed the bullets and patched up the holes but they need to run more tests. Luckily the plastic bullets aren't as bad as the real ones or we wouldn't be having this conversation." He spoke in a pained whisper.

"Oh."

Erik reentered the room with a nurse."Hello Ms. Kennedy. How are you feeling?"

"Like a million bucks. Or maybe like 50."

"Any pain?"

"Yes everywhere."

"Well you have a broken ankle, multiple bruises and two bullet wounds. You're dress looked like a Jackson Polluck when you got in here. You're lucky to be alive. Your boyfriend here," she gestured to Erik," wouldn't leave your side. I don't even think he's eaten. If he keeps that up he'll have to be admitted himself. We still have to run a few tests to check the status of your wounds and injuries but the bullets missed all your vital organs."

She gave a soft smile and left the room.

Alex glanced over to Erik who couldn't look away from you. "I um... I'm gonna go grab some food or something."

He exited to room and the silence seemed to become more intense.

Erik's eyes displayed an emotion you've never seen before.

Helplessness.

"Atarah." He choked out and stopped fighting back what seemed to be tears. He bent down beside you.

He took your hand and gave it a million kisses.
"Words cannot express how I feel and how I've felt for the past month."

"Month?!?"

"Atarah darling, you've been in a coma for nearly a month. You've had multiple surgeries, your heart even stopped a few times. I lost you multiple times. The pain I felt was unbearable. Just when I thought I had you, I lost you again. They told me not to get my hopes up but I couldn't help it. The thought of you opening those beautiful eyes kept me going."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for what my love?"

"Sorry for causing so much pain and heartache."

He shook his head, "Like always, this is my fault. I killed Zara. He was after me so he went for you. This was not your fault. You have to stop feeling guilty for things you played no part in. Atarah, people have treated you wrong all of your life and you didn't deserve an ounce of it."

"It's hard to believe that when people always blame me for things."

"Those people are wrong."

The room grew silent.

"The dress. You were marrying Alex weren't you?"

You looked up and saw sadness in his eyes. "Yes I was."

"Do you love him? Does he make you happy?"

"Yes. I love him and yes me makes me happy."

"Oh. I see."

"He could never make me as happy as you make me and I could never love him as much as I love you."

His eyes lit up, " Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do Erik. It's been almost three years since you left and I still couldn't stop thinking about you. I love you. I'm in love with you and I always will be."

He kissed your forehead softly but full of love,"my sentiments exactly."

A few seconds later Jean, Raven, Hank and Charles came in.

"Atarah." Charles started and he came over and kissed your cheek. " we are all so glad that you're alright."

You smiled, "this conversation sounds vaguely familiar."

He laughed," you're too accident prone Atarah." Hank said.

"So what about Alex?" Raven blurted out.

"What do you mean?" You cocked your head to the side.

"What did you say to him? I mean you were at the alter when this all began. You were literally about to say I do"

You gave her a look to stop talking.

You glanced at Erik he displayed hurt across his face.

"Raven, I don't know if we should talk about this now."

"Oh come on Atarah, spill the detai-" She looked at Erik," orrr we can talk later." She fell into the silence as you talked with the others for a few hours.

"The hospital said they can discharge you within a few hours. They'll only allow one person after visitor hours. So we'll have to go but Erik can bring you by the house once you're out. You can stay with us if you'd like."

"I've imposed enough Charles. I couldn't."

"It's not imposing, I insist."

"Well then I'm that case I can't decline such a generous invitation."

He smiled and nodded, "I'll see you later then."

They all left the room and you and Erik were left alone again.

"So. What about Alex?" He asked.

"Erik..."

"I understand."

"I don't think you do Erik. I love you. I love you more than another person could love someone else." You sat back up," but I love Alex too. He was there for me when you left me. He was there no matter what, he knows how I felt about you and he still loved me. I don't know what to do Erik. I don't know whose heart to break."