Coffee Stains (Discovery of Love)

Chapter Sixteen- Caffe Freddo

{Chapter Sixteen}

I don't know why I didn't realize it before.  Maybe because I didn't want to believe that I would like someone who I once detested.  Maybe because I was scared to admit to myself that I'm falling for someone.  Knowing all the cruelty and pain that comes with love, I guess I didn't want to believe that I would develop feelings for someone that could lead to love.

As I continue on my way home, goosebumps sit on my skin while I think of the heartbreak I could go through if I let these feelings develop. My body starts to shake as I remember my mother's crying figure in a nearby chair the day my father left, as I remember the nights I would peek into my mother's bedroom to see her crying, covering her mouth with her hand so we wouldn't hear. I don't want myself to end up in that pit of hurt and aches. I stop walking and squat on the ground, wrapping my arms around my body as the fear freezes me to the core.

After a few moments, I compose myself and make it home. I open the front door and lean against it, short pants exiting my mouth. Stray tears start to flow from my eyes. Imagine if it hurts me so much to see my father walk through that door, how it must have been for my mother. I close my eyes, sliding down the face of the wooden door.

"Jade? What's wrong?" I hear my mother's voice getting close but I keep my eyes closed, taking in ragged breaths. I feel my mother's hands grip my shoulders gently and shake me.

"Pumpkin?" I hear her voice close but yet so far as the fear clouds my mind. I open my eyes and stare into my mother's concerned ones as fear invades my irises. By this time my siblings huddle around me, looking at me worried. However, no one dears to say a word as I stare at my mother with such intense emotions.

She slowly pulls me up, with the assistance of Faith, from my fragile pile on the ground. I barely register them taking me to my mother's bedroom as I think back to the fluttering of my stomach and my fast paced heart around Max. And all it does is scare me all over again causing a shiver to run down my spine.

Faith and my mother lay me on the bed and pull a blanket over me. Faith shoos away my curious siblings while my mother sits beside me and strokes my hair.

"Spill it," she demands gently.

"I-I'm scared," my lip quivers as I sit up in the bed, tears spilling from my eyes.

"Of what?" my mother now comfortingly places her hand on my knee.

"Of feeling like this," I look down and fiddle with my fingers, sniffling.

"Stop talking riddles, Jade."

"I'm scared of feeling the flutters in my stomach, the increase pace of my heart, my heart skipping a beat. I'm scared of it all!" my hands reach for my hair and I tug at the roots as I sob.

"You're scared of love?" my mother pulls my hands from my hair gently and cups my face in her calloused hands. I simply nod, biting my lip.

"And why is that? Because of your father?"

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

I hear my mother sigh and I look up at her, a pained expression painted on her face," Honey, love is a beautiful thing. Even though my love didn't have a happy ending, I still was gifted with y'all and that's more than I can ask for. Sure, love can cause hurt but the good that comes with it outweighs the bad. The happiness and joy you feel outweighs the fights and misunderstandings. Love is not meant to be easy, if it is then it can't be called love. Don't let my experience get in the way of your happiness. The love wasn't bad, your father was. If you're not ready to be in a relationship, that's okay but don't let that hinder you."