faded

19.0 - unreal

Dedicated to @daenerysjauregui & @dreadfulmind

I didn't even know what was real anymore. The moments I spent sober were very conflicting. Not only was the pain and anxiety unbearable, but reality was extremely distorted. I had no sense of time and struggled to move at a normal pace.

I wasn't happy he was gone, quite the opposite actually. I didn't understand why he was being so cruel to me. What was the point of it all? It seemed he was conflicted about something, but what? I knew we were in danger and the thought of something happening to us scared me. I had been through too many traumatic experiences to even try to put them behind me.

One of the maids brought me a glass of water and three different types of pills. She gave me a sympathetic look, probably feeling sorry for me after taking in my weak state.

She set the tray down on the nightstand next to the bed and shot me a small smile. "Mr. Malik said I had to check if you took them afterwards, Miss."

I sighed, taking the pills from the little cup they were in. I didn't even hesitate to sit up and take them, the water that chased them down immediately refreshed me. I was in a lot of physical pain and I just wanted to sleep. It's all I wanted.

I opened my mouth so she could see they were gone.

As if I would ever struggle to take pills.

"Are you hungry?"

I shook my head no, laying back down. "No, thank you."

I could feel her standing there still. "Are you alright, Miss?"

Her concern, or curiosity, alarmed me. "It's best you don't ask questions."

My dismissive tone probably made her think she was in trouble and all I heard after a few moments was my door closing.

Why did Harry come back? It was so hard for me to wrap my head around what he did. It seemed so unreal, how he just turned on me. It's all fuzzy, the details of that night all blend together because of the medication Zayn had given to me after we left the hospital. It was such a strange day, the day my father died. It seemed like everything happened that day, as if it was calculated. Sometimes I can remember Harry's face, but other times I see someone who isn't Harry.

But Zayn said it was and him coming back for me just proves it.

I wish I could be safe. I wish I could go to a place where I wasn't being abused or hurt, do such places even exist? Not for girls like me. As I lay there all alone, I think about calling Zayn. What would I even tell him though? That I miss him? Despite my feelings for him that haven't gone away, I'm relieved that he's not here. I know he'd be angry that he isn't out finding Harry if he had decided to stay.

I turned around on my side slowly, feeling a little better when the medicine started to kick in. I was still in some pain, but it wasn't as agonizing.

I found his name immediately, confused as to why this phone had Liam's number, my old house number, and the office one.

I ignored it and felt growing uncertainty as the phone began to ring. Who knew what mood he'd be in. I just wanted to talk to him and Zayn being in a bad mood would really make me feel like a bother.

More than I already do, if possible.

"Ana," he answers calmly, surprisingly, "Baby, is everything alright?"

Seems like he's always happier when he's far away from me. "I just missed you," I said truthfully, "When are you coming back?"

"Maybe tomorrow night, baby. I'm missing you, too. Jenna told me you took your pills, thank you for not being difficult."

I frown. Why was she reporting my every move to him? Why was he talking to her?

"So you can talk to her but not me?"

He groaned. "I just called to check up on you. Why is it a big deal?"

"I just wanted to talk to you, that's all. Why am I not impo..."

"Ana, do you have me on speaker?" he interrupts me, annoying me with his irrelevant question.

"No, why? Zayn, when are you coming to Jersey? Where are you?"

"Hang up and go downstairs, Jenna will tell you where."

"Why? What's going on?"

I heard the sound of a car door close on his end. "Wiretapped phones. Just great."