faded

54.0 - girls night pt 1

I think deep down, all I ever wanted was to be loved. To come home and be hugged, to have someone who misses me, who worries about me. I always wanted a place where I am safe, where no man from my past can hurt me. So here I was, in this giant castle with a group of girls I had recently met, celebrating a union, celebrating love.

But still, I was so lonely and so cold.

"Who even gets married on Halloween, seriously?"

It was difficult to say no to Kristen and Cara when they came into my room after lunch to beg me to participate in the sleepover. I don't know what convinced me the most - my new found connection with Stefani or the fact that I had never even been to a sleepover in my life. Either way, they asked me knowing I would oblige, and here I was in the middle of a giant bed, in satin pajamas with two girls braiding my hair. The atmosphere was buzzing with excitement and all the girls seemed well prepared for the wedding tomorrow.

After Zayn's mom had left, she gave me a knowing smile and a note I still hadn't opened. I really wanted to, the curiosity was killing me, but I decided not to when I realized what day it was.

The slumber party was on the 30th. And still no sign of Zayn anywhere, not even a call. I wasn't going to let that ruin the night, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel abandoned by him. He hadn't called us again for a while and I felt so stupid for feeling like he'd never contact me again. Maybe he just didn't wanna talk to me. Why, though? Was it something I had done or said? Why was it so easy for him to leave me behind all the time?

Or was I just easy to abandon?

I shook those thoughts off. They'd only bring more unwanted feelings, tonight I just wanted to have a good time. I knew deep down it was my fault anyway.

"Kristen and I thought it was a cute idea," Cara rolled her eyes, holding her fiance's hand and taking a drink of Pinot Grigio. "I wouldn't be talking, Liz, who gets married on Valentine's day?"

Lizzy scoffed as the rest of the girls just laughed. "We thought it was romantic!"

Kristen narrowed her eyes at the other married woman in the room. "We think Halloween is romantic."

Kendall and Zoe worked on my hair. There was clips, bobby pins, brushes, ribbons, and anything else you could imagine on the bed. I had mentioned to them I was going to dye it back to brown and Cara advised me not to do that tonight, because Stefani wanted to take me tomorrow. It was a sweet gesture, though I suspected Zayn was a lot like her in that aspect, planning ahead to guarantee a positive response.

"Ana," I unintentionally cringed at the nickname, but Lizzy didn't notice, "tell us about you and Zayn. We don't really know much and I'm curious... We all are. Let's see that ring!"

I naturally looked over at Cara, who let me know it was okay by nodding just slightly in acknowledgement. I extended my hand to Lizzy and she took it, though all the girls admired the great big rock on my ring finger.

Zoe sighed. "Ugh, amazing."

"Well, what do you wanna know?" I answered with a very unsure tone.

Kendall interjected. "How long have you been together?"

"Like a two years and a half, give or take."

It takes so much for me not to start reminiscing. My mind just wanders that way. Once I began to remember and look back at those times, I was over. There wasnt anything that could make me feel better or make me accept that this was reality. The only person that I wanted wasn't here with me and I still couldn't bring myself to accept it.

"I didn't think of him as the marrying type," Lizzy confessed and Emma nudged her. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Rude, much?" Zoe scolded Lizzy.

"You two make a beautiful couple, I think. Right, girls?"

Cara was the first one to speak up. "I agree."

"Me too," Kristen smiled at her lover, "Cara has told me some of the things he says about Anastasia and he's a totally different person when he speaks of her."

Now everyone's ears were perked up with curiosity. I didn't wanna talk about him anymore. I really didn't.

"He's so in love," Cara teased, "he's not the same as he was years ago, Liz, my brother has grown up."

Lizzy didn't seem to believe it but I decided not to push it. I really didn't wanna ruin the night by getting all pissy with a bridesmaid over my husband.

Emma opened a bottle of vodka bigger than her face, luckily lightening the mood with her suggestion. "Let's play a game instead."

Lizzy nudges Kendall, as if understanding what game Emma had in mind. "Ken, I dare you to tell us who you've been sneaking around with!"

The room goes silent, all thats heard is Emma taking a large drink of the alcohol like a pro. Kendall is extremely red in the face and Jourdan stares at her expectantly.

"My highschool boyfriend," she says, somehow ashamed.

Kristen frowns. "I thought he was in jail."

"Me too," Cara looks confused.

"Anyway!" Jordy interjects, possibly saving Kendall from a lengthy interrogation.

"Liz, who was your first kiss?" Zoe asks, curiosity and humor written all over her face.

We all watch as the girl shifts uncomfortably, the spot light that she put on Kendall now on her. Seconds pass and the girls begin pressuring even more, including me. A laugh escapes my lips as she consumes a long take of her drink.

"Well... I was 11. And-- okay, now Ana, don't try to fight me or anything. But Zayn... he was-- he was my first kiss. Buck teeth and all." she takes another sip of her drink and pouts, turning to face me when she sees the look of surprise that I am sure is all over my face. "Please, don't freeze my bra."

"Really? He never mentioned you at all."

Emma lets out a giggle and high fives Kendall. "She's shady!"

Cara nods in approval and I try to contain how awkward I actually feel. I wonder what else he hasn't told me.

"Emma, how about you?" Jourdan appears to be focused on her drink and lightening the weird mood that has settled between us.

She simply smiles and sighs as if remembering that time in her life. The rest of the girls catch this and immediately tease her for it, many come ons and awws being heard from everyone.

"It was John," Emma answers happily.

"Your husband was your first kiss?" Kristen questioned in a soft voice.

"Aw, how old were you?" Kendall follows up.

I simply sit back and observe.

"Well we were young, we grew up together. It was in middle school."

Jourdan and Lizzy both stare at her.

"So... You've never been with another guy?" Lizzy says confused.

"No, just John."

"Wow," Cara says, "That's... Some devotion."

Kendall nods. "Right? Don't you ever want to be?"

Before she can answer, I find myself defending her. "Once you find the right one, you never want to be with anyone else."

Emma offers me a knowing smile. "She's so right. I have everything I ever dreamed of, and more, with my husband. No one else could compare."

a/n:

Merry late Xmas!! Here's part 1.

Part 2 coming very soon :)