faded

14.0 - she's fallen apart

"No, I haven't told her," I said, already irritated. "I don't think it's a good idea to do that right now."

"Why?" Liam asked.

I rolled my eyes, turning around to look at the cabin as I took a drag of my cigarette. "Something bad happened. I sorta.. Lost control."

My friend groaned, "Are you serious? What happened?"

"What's important is that she's okay and we're okay. She's cooperating with me."

Liam stayed quiet for a moment. I knew he was probably angry with me after I had done the opposite of what he told me to do. He warned me to not lose it, told me to constantly remember she could leave me. But I had gone against that. I had hurt her, yes, but she had hurt me, too. I couldn't let her go again, couldn't just let myself lose her. She was the love of my life and she was mine, no one elses.

"What's she doing right now? Is she hurt?" Liam asked me, concerned as always.

"She was asleep," I tired her out, "she's fine, Liam."

"If you think it's too much for you to handle, call me. I can go..."

I rolled my eyes as I hung up on him, not bothering to let him finish his sentence. What did it matter anyway?

I made my way back towards the cabin, annoyed at the cloudy day. It was just our second day here out of seven. How would things be when we returned? Maybe it was time to get Ana a house. I know that would make her happy.

"Ana, are you up?" I called as I entered the cabin, frowning when I didn't see her on the couch.

I panicked. "Anastasia?"

I went up the stairs quickly, hoping she was just in our room. Where could she have gone?

Anastasia was startled when I burst through the door, staring at me in confusion. I was visibly relieved. She was probably cold and came to sleep in here.

"What's wrong?" she asks. I noticed the ashtray and cigarettes on the bed.

"Didn't see you downstairs," I try to appear more laid back, as if I wasn't having a meltdown when I didn't see her where I had left her. "Feeling better?"

I laid down next to her and though I saw her tense up, she let herself relax when I rubbed her back soothingly.

"I'm sore."

I smirk. "Sorry."

"Who were you on the phone with?"

So she heard it ring. I couldn't tell her it was Liam because then she'd wanna talk to him and probably tell him all about what happened.

"Something about work," I lie, "I had to cancel some meetings with new employees."

My answer apparently isn't good enough. "Why are you lying to me?"

I frown. "Babe, i'm not."

She scoffs. "Right, as if you weren't talking to Daisy. You're such a bad liar."

I half expect her to get out of bed and throw a tantrum, but I'm surprised when she doesn't. Instead, she lights a cigarette and lays back on the headboard. I take a cigarette and light it as well, cursing myself mentally for being addicted to it.

"I'm not lying to you. Just believe me," I was lying, but not about that. "Please drop your attitude."

"Ooookay," Ana said under her breath, taking a deep drag of her cigarette. "whatever you say."

"You really think I was talking to her?"

She looked away from me and smoked her cigarette with an uncaring expression written all over her face. "You brought her here, didn't you? You should bring her here again and let me go home, I don't wanna be here."

Her words leave me stunned. I take a moment to process it. She'd rather I have another woman here, Daisy of all people, so she can go home. As if what I need is company and not her.

"Are you fucking with me?"

She shook her head no, "No, i'm not. You told me this was our special place. That you loved me and wanted this cabin to be just for us. You're a fucking liar, but why am I even surprised?"

Anastasia is really angry, I try to reason with her, but I can't. I can't let her think it's okay for her to speak to me like I'm one of the stupid guys who have been infatuated with her before.

I'm not sure why I do what I do. I don't recall doing it until I see her holding her wrist in pain, staring at me like I'm the reincarnation of Satan. Tears threaten to spill from her big, brown eyes, the puffiness from earlier still present.

"Ana..."

The cigarette lays in the ashtray, slowly dying out.

"Why do you want to mark me so bad?" She asks me quietly, surprising me with her soft words. "Why did you burn me with the cigarette?"

I try to find a way to defend myself. Anastasia was getting out of line, she knew how I was. She needed to learn.

"I'm sorry, baby, I don't know what came over me."

"I wanna go home. Please, I won't tell anyone about what happened last night or this morning."

I shake my head. "You're not going anywhere, even if I have to chain you to this bed."

She lets out a weak sob. "You're unbelievable. I don't even think I love you anymore."