faded

8.0 - same old song*

1 am turns into 3:30 am and he hasn't even bothered calling so I know he's okay. This was all too familiar to me, we had been in this situation before. I find his cigarettes in their usual spot, taking the pack in my hands and taking one out. I knew it was gonna be a long wait. 

The last time this had happened - it happened because of me. When Zayn returned that day, his frightening actions had left a print in my mind. I knew he could be dangerous, reckless even, the little importance he gave things was frightening. I didn't want a repeat, but I didn't even care. I knew it was my fault for asking questions I didn't really want answers to. And I hurt him, his blood was all over the carpet.

As I chain smoke, my mind runs wild. One second I'm thinking about Zayn and the next I'm thinking about my last few months without him. This empty feeling in my chest was hurting me - like my heartstrings were being pulled at. I felt like he'd never come back. I think about Liam wanting to help me fix my issues and Zayn just popping up as if he knew we'd be there. No doubt he did, but did it matter? I knew deep down I would have begged him to take me back eventually. 

The door opens slightly. My face lights up, butterflies going crazy at the sight of him entering and closing the door behind him. His hand has a bandage around it and I get hit by a pang of guilt, even though I'm distracted by his messy appearance.

"You're still up," he says surprised, "why?"

"I was waiting for you," I watch him sit down on the recliner, taking a cigarette from the pack I left on the arm rest of it and lighting it up. "Who were you with?"

Zayn takes a long drag, "Don't start, I just got home."

He reeks like alcohol. He pats his lap.

"I just wanna know who you were with," I sit on his knee, he puts my legs over his, and I feel him place his arm around me. 

"Friends from work," He says lowly. "What's with you wanting to know who I'm with all the time?"

I frown, anger seeping deeper into me. "Did you fuck her in our bed?"

He chuckles, gripping my uncomfortably tight. "I'm not a fucking idiot," he whispered in my ear, "Don't start something you're gonna make me finish."

Zayn must sense I'll argue. "I'm warning you, please don't fuck with me. I let that shit earlier slide, but I won't keep allowing the disrespect."

"I don't know if you're lying about who you were with. You won't even tell me who was here while I was gone. I bet you're still seeing her!"

"Who did you have over when you weren't here?" He changed it up, focusing the attention on me. "No one. You know how I know that for a fact?" I shrugged. "Because I made sure that no stupid ass guy went over. I'm not an idiot, Ana. I know how you are, or are you forgetting? Now act right," Zayn continues, ignoring my argument and sliding his hand under my shirt. "miss me?"

He had someone watching me, I'm sure. His possessive nature over me has no limits, I know that. It doesn't really surprise. I squirm, not wanting him to touch me and try to get his way by distracting me. "No."

He raised a brow, clearly amused. "You didn't miss me?"

I feel his lips on my neck, nibbling on the exposed flesh forcefully when I kept trying to wiggle out of his hold. I found myself with my back to his chest, one of his hands on my abdomen and the other holding a fistful of my hair, his lips attacking my neck and shoulder with the advantage. 

I bit my lip hoping to resist, but I know I wouldn't be able to. It had just been so long since I felt him this close. 

"Tell me you missed me," he murmured in my ear.