faded

62.0 - harry

authors note- if you haven't read Rampage then the rest of Faded isnt gonna make much sense and neither will this chapter. ok bye

It took all my strength to keep me sane. Everything had just crumbled right before my eyes and before I knew it, I was back in the forgotten town I once loved so much.

It hasn't changed. It is still blooming with lush green forest, the streetlights still gave me that faint feeling of nostalgia as they lit up the carefully paved sidewalks. It was always home, always welcoming me so warmly.

As I walked through Adam's Park, my mind drifted to her. Anastasia.

How was it possible that I had not lost just Elena, but Anastasia too? What was it about Zayn that kept them running back to him? Couldn't be his loving ways- everyone knew he wasn't capable of loving anyone. I had witnessed some horrific acts, but what I never witnessed was seeing any inch of remorse from him. Those times often gave me nightmares, I still had some humanity. I was still human. I still felt guilt.

For how long? It was only a matter of time until I was consumed by this burning hatred I felt.

At this point, I owed him nothing. He had done me a kindness by sparing my mother's life and keeping their secrets after he left this place. But I had done more than what I thought he needed. I couldn't pretend that my life was fucked up because of me.

As I walked up the stairs, I turned to take a good look at the street I had once grown up on. It was quiet, some porch lights still flickering, but not a noise could be heard. I fumbled with my keys for a moment and unlocked the door, the creaking noise louder than I expected.

It was well taken care of. It was clean, liveable as ever with new furniture and watered plants. As I shut the door, my mind began to recall every moment that I spent here with Elena.

Reading on the balcony, having breakfast by the fireplace, talking for hours in the living room. Every single room in the house had been carefully kept, it was truthfully in pristine condition, but it was no longer home.

We shared the same delusion- wanting to turn a girl into a ghost. After she disappeared, I never saw her again. Sometimes walking the crowded streets of New York I could almost wish her into existence, hope that by chance a beautiful girl would bump into me and it would be her. It was terrible really, pathetic. I still really loved Elena after everything, I knew she was just a victim of circumstance. It wasn't really her fault that things had happened like they did.

I thought about how she must be, where she was hiding. No one knew her like I did, that's why I knew that she was hiding. I could admit to myself that I was afraid of Zayn, almost everyone that knew him was. I couldn't fathom how afraid she was of him, so much that she had abandoned her possibility of happiness with me for a life of shadows.

It was okay. I couldn't blame her.

And I guess in a way, I couldn't really blame Anastasia either. They were both functioning on fear, though in dark dreams I could see how far gone Anastasia really was. She clung to any slither of affection, found comfort in anyone who treated her with a gentle hand. So much had happened to her and I realized that maybe it was too late to save her, after all, some people can't really be saved.

But one could hope. I lost absolutely nothing by wishing that she found something true in someone that wasn't so cruel.

I knew his game so well. He was charming when he wanted to be, but then a darker side was revealed.