faded

61.0 - flashback

I feel his hands searching for me while he sleeps. It's nice and cool in our room and the tv plays softly because he often can't sleep without it on. I don't watch it, instead, I watch him. He looks so peaceful while he sleeps, I love how beautiful he is. His soft breathing keeps me calm. He places his hand on my thigh and sighs.

My sleeping troubles had returned and weren't making it easy to go back to bed. I kept having bad dreams and at this point they were becoming hard to forget.

I always dreamed that I was in some sort of apparent danger, that I couldn't be saved, or that I ended up dying. It wasn't that I was afraid of death, or danger, but just how real these dreams could become.

"I love you," I whisper, "I love you so much it hurts."

"Mmm," he groans, "Ana? Did you have a nightmare?"

"Yeah, I didn't wanna wake you."

I feel bad because I've woken him, but he's still half asleep when he cuddles me.

Zayn holds me tight and I rest my forehead on his chest. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Can you hug me back to sleep?"

I feel him nod. "I love you, angel. I miss you even when I'm asleep."

Definitely half asleep still. I smile and almost want to cry, I love this man so much. Everything about him. All the bad stuff, too. Everything that hurts, all the pain, every flaw, I love.

"Wanna hear a story?" Zayn suggests, for some reason I thought he had gone back to sleep.

"Okay."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a big castle. She was surrounded by a beautiful rose garden that magically bloomed all year. She had everything she wanted, nothing was out of her reach. But the princess was lonely."

He always does this. He's always trying to get me to feel better about everything in the strangest, nicest ways. After everything with my father, his death especially, I realized how much I really needed Zayn. I didn't have anyone else and he did love me a lot. Nothing could happen to me since he was very adamant about protecting me and letting people around me.

"Until one day, the princess met the future king of a faraway land. He was a very broken, very lonely soul too, so they fell in love immediately. He never abandoned her, never wanted to be away from her. The princess was all he had and he was everything to her. There was no more loneliness, no more crying, because now they'd never be alone again."

I looked up at him and he looked down at me. I pressed my lips to his and intertwined our hands. "I love you."

He smiles, caramel eyes glistening. "Tell me again."

A giggle escapes my lips. "I love you. I wanna be with you always."

"Anastasia, you know how I feel. I'd do anything for you."

He would. I know that. He did everything to keep me safe, to make sure I had everything I needed, to show me he loved me the best that he could.

But I still always ended up leaving him, I didn't know why.