faded

68. emerging truth

"Where is Ana?" My mother asked, commanding the room as she usually did when she walked in.

The lack of privacy was becoming an inconvenience, but I really couldn't complain. I had spent the entire morning avoiding her, locking myself in the study and letting myself be consumed by all the work I had neglected. Now that all the wedding excitement had come and gone, she had to divert her attention somewhere.

The house was quiet, calm. Despite this- I still could not calm down.

"She's still sleeping, I think," I responded flippantly, trying to not make myself open for more questions regarding Anastasia.

Of course it was useless, in the time they had spent together she had grown very fond of her for some reason. It was clear that the person Anastasia was with me was a stark contrast to who she performed as for other people. I knew her entirely too well, even if she thought I didn't take notice of her. I already knew what her game was and this time I would not give in.

She sighed, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"You have to try, Zayn," she said sternly, her expression holding nothing but disappointment. "You can't expect for everything to be okay..."

"Stay out of it," I interjected, already annoyed. "You have no idea what's going on."

She scoffed, "I know what you're doing. You need to leave the past in the past."

I struggled to hide my guilt. As soon as the words left her mouth, they left me cold. It was impossible for her to know, no one could know what was really going on. Especially not Anastasia.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She shook her head as she took a few steps to get closer to me. Her warm hand caressed my face and for a second it felt like I was just a boy again. Memories of her comforting me, her being there during the worse moments of my life - held me suspended in that moment in time. I could feel my cheeks getting hot.

"I look at you and see someone that I don't recognize."

Before I could even formulate a response, she walked away. The conversation was much more than it appeared to be. I knew that she was done with me. I really couldn't think that she would be so oblivious to everything going on. I give no explanations and yet everything is laid out like an open book.

I made my way up the stairs, hoping that Anastasia wouldn't bring up the conversation from last night. As much as I knew I owed her an explanation, deep down I wasn't willing to give it. Nothing good could come from me being honest with her, or anyone for that matter. I knew what the response would be and the shit show that would follow.

I'm quiet as I enter the bedroom, but she's nowhere to be found. I immediately begin to panic- making haste towards the bathroom, checking the closet, the balcony. I have half the mind to tear up the entire house looking for her. Where was she? Where could she have gone?

"Zayn?" Her little voice breaks me out of my panic. She stands by the door curiously, frowning at the sight.

At that moment I felt foolish. I knew what she thought of me. I was an animal. I had no feelings, no regards for anyone except myself. Despite all that had happened I still felt somewhat responsible. Though I wasn't sure if it was my own doing or the brief talk with my mother leaving a bigger impact than I thought possible.

"Where were you?" I grabbed her hand and she winced, immediately making the growing pit of guilt even worse.

"I was in the garden," Anastasia replied, "I walked past the study on my way out but you didn't notice," she added quietly. "I picked some roses for you."