With Broken Wings (2013)

Dear Grandpa

Dear Grandpa,

I missed you today. I know it's been a while since we last talked but today I just needed you to know that I haven't forgotten you. Not yet and not ever. It's so much harder here without you around.

I wish I could be there to help grandma out, I know she misses you a lot and this is the hardest for her, but even though she's grieving, she seems to be coping as well as could be expected. I bet you expected it though, you've always known how strong willed and tough she was. Better than the rest of us at least. We all miss you but I'm glad we have each other. I don't know how I'd get through this any other way.

I know that I always have someone to talk to who understands and we all have our own little support systems. I know that you probably knew this even when no one else wanted to let themselves believe it, by us I mean me but you knew that too, that even though Kris and I don't talk like we used to we're still friends.

I didn't expect to still feel as close to him as I do but I think he feels the same and we seem to still know each other just as well as we used to despite not saying much to each other for the past few years, somehow I think you knew we were always just as close but you never said a word. We've always both been listeners in the end haven't we?

Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough to say but now, now I feel like I talk too much. Like there's nothing left to talk about when there's so much we all avoid saying. No one wants to bring it up but I think, that when it really comes down to it, we all need to talk about it.

Sorry about my random topic changes, I can't seem to focus as well as I used to. Writing, reading, swimming, none of them hold the power over me that they used to and I'm scared that maybe that is trying to tell me something that I refuse to hear. Not even music pulls me in the way it used to.

I miss you, I know I've said that already but I don't think you understand how much it hurts to know that I'll never see you again and I can't seem to find the words to tell you. Why does everyone I love have to leave me? You'd think that I'd have learned the lesson by now huh? Maybe this was supposed to show me that I still have people I love and ones that love me but if that's the case, why take the person we all loved most?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I haven't been better and that I haven't been there for everyone as much as I'd like to have been but there's only so much I can do from here. I don't imagine mum would be pleased if I tried to let my education suffer to see them and do more. But some part of me really wishes that I had. I just hope that one day I can make you proud of me and have the courage to fix what we both know has been broken for a while.

Your loving granddaughter,

Meghan

Cher Grandpère,

Beaucoup a changé depuis que tu nous as quittés, mais je crois que tu sais tout cela déjà. Tu savais toujours tout avant le reste de nous mais c'était votre chose et je pense que je manque cela aussi. Rien n'est le même et ça me rend folle. Tout me fait penser de vous et les petites choses me donnent envie de pleurer. C'est difficile, je ne vais pas mentir, mais je pense qu'un jour peut-être un jour il sera moins triste à penser de vous. J'espère qu'un jour je serais capable de me souvenir de vous et sourire, car tu étais là avec nous. Mais pour le moment, c'est simplement au sujet de prendre la vie un jour à la fois et survivre le mieux que je peux.

Avec tout mon amour,

Meghan