Flexible

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i am not flexible

i am resistant to change

always have been

and probably always will be

partly

because i am afraid

of what will be lost

and of what i will gain

maybe my fear of moving on

has to do with the phobia

of forgetting

because

to me

moving forward

means letting go

and letting go

means forgetting

and forgetting

the things that once gave me joy

is both a weight off my shoulders

and my worst nightmare

because the memories hurt

but the thought of losing something

that meant so much to me

even so long ago as back then

is harder to bear

than the pain

that the recurring thoughts

etch into my skin

the loss

searing hot

and roaring flames

the crackling and spitting

as if they are venomous

and out for my blood

i am not flexible

because fear

rules me

but that

is going to change

i am not flexible // m.p.

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