With Broken Wings (2013)

Things That Make Me Happy

I could start by listing them all, but that could take a while, and while there are a lot of things that make me happy...only a few of them really make me feel like I'm truly happy. Does that make sense? There are degrees of happiness you see, and so few things that really cause that smile to reach it's full on breaking point, that make my cheeks hurt and my eyes tear up from laughing so hard. So here they are.

Our tea parties, yes we're too old for those now but who cares? No one judges you there and we can talk about anything we want and just forget about the world for a while.

The cottage, those visits every summer really make my whole year and that's what gets me through the school year, knowing that I'll get to see all of your beautiful faces soon. I miss you guys so much it hurts.

Getting to see you, even if only for a weekend.

Our late night tea drinking, alphabet game playing and deep talks we pretend we're not having because no one is supposed to know that we're still awake.

These are the things that I can't live without. Because without them life just wouldn't be worth living. Without you guys to keep me sane, I don't know how I'd still be here, and that's thte honest truth. I would have given up a long time ago without all of your support.

You know me better than anyone, even my sister, parents and closest friends. Because I can tell you everything. I'm not afraid to be judged or scared that you'll leave me. I've known you too long for that, and I know too much about you for you to just let me go like that. Because the truth is that we need each other, even if we don't always like to admit it.

I wish that I had the courage to tell you all this face to face, but I don't. So I write it down here instead in the hopes that one day you'll see it and realize how much I never said. Because you mean the world to me, and you deserve to know that even if I can't seem to say it out loud. I wish that I had. A long time ago.

But until such time as I stop being a coward and hiding behind anonymity and the screen of my laptop, I'll keep these thoughts here so that I can come back and re-read them years from now and remember what I went through now, and how I really felt. 

So, in short, things that make me happy? Easy, there's just one and that's family. Blood relations and the people I love to bits enough to consider related to me even though they aren't really. That's all I've ever needed to be happy, and I think, all that I ever will.