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i don’t cry anymore

but that doesn’t mean

that there is no pain

inside of this heavy heart

i carry things inside of me

that would tear you apart

but you cannot see

the demons that live

behind my ribcage

and whisper in my ear

you cannot feel the weight

of the grief

and the pain

that run through my veins

but if you look closely

the curve of my shoulders

the slump in my spine

and the downward tilt

of the head that should be held high

hint at the weight of the words

that run through my brain

and hold me down

like an anchor at sea

i am drowning in my own emptiness

and sometimes you can see

reflected in my glassy eyes

the shadow of a life

that loss has taken from me

i may not have cried

as many tears as i should

but they don’t come easily

to an empty house

and that is what i have become

abandoned

dusty

and decayed

like the cob-web filled cavity

of my chest

where the lungs

barely breathe

croaking and coughing

as they fight for each breath

the weight of grief has bent me

yet somedays

it weighs nothing at all

and that

is almost harder to bear

because i can write pages

about pain

but there are not enough words

to describe the huge nothing

that seals the gaping wound

inside of me

and stills the storm

of grief

and anxiety

that should be raging

a quiet mind is the heaviest weight

because it leave me nowhere to hide

and that

is more terrifying

than you know

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