It's gotten harder to breathe since you left, but people keep telling me 'everything will be okay'. I don't know if I can believe them, maybe someday, but not now.
It feels like just yesterday that I said goodbye, hoping it wouldn't be the last time. Wishing I would get to see you again soon. Fate didn't turn out to be in my favor, I couldn't prolong your time here no matter how much I wanted to.
Sometimes I speak of you like you're still here. Think about things as if you haven't left. Want to tell you something or show you something or just do something together. But then I open my eyes and remember that you're gone and gone means forever.
It hurts, like knives to my heart. My breath gets caught when it all sinks in and the tears spill through the mask I was wearing. The one that protects me from the outside world of judgement, that keeps people out an my thoughts and feelings in. It begins to crack as reality sets in.
And I can't help but think, of everything I should have done better. Of everyone I should have treated better. Of everything I should have said and done and all those things I wish I could erase. So many memories I wish I could escape from but can't bear to let go of.
Every photo, every trinket, every part of my past has become a constant reminder of you. Of better things and better times before things became so complicated and it all began to fall apart. A time when memories were kinder and pictures weren't all I had.
Inside I feel empty and numb. Nothing sinks in, nothing stays, nothing seems to make time start again. Or stop again and rewind like I wish so badly that it would. I can't hold back the tears, can't fight all of my fears and sometimes I don't want to. I don't have you to push me to.
You had a heart made of gold
I'll miss all your phone calls
You laughter will never grow old
It's too quiet and empty in the halls
Family reunions
will never be the same
cause you’re not there with us
Your chair at the table
is empty and cold
you need to come home
I need someone
Do you know
How much we all love you
Do you realize
How much I trust You
You're officially gone
But forever in my heart
YOU ARE READING
With Broken Wings (2013)
Poetry"Take these broken wings and learn to fly again." This is my own personal story of overcoming my demons and my grief. I define my recovery. ι'ℓℓ вє уσυя ѕнσυℓ∂єя тσ cяу ση, уσυя яσcк ωнєη уσυ'яє ησт ѕтяσηg ι'ℓℓ вє уσυя нєαят ωнєη ιт'ѕ вяσкєη, му α...
