I Am Not Beautiful

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there is nothing beautiful

about the fading scars

that map out my pain

along my porcelain skin

or the way that sometimes

i forget how to breathe

because i’m shaking like a leaf

there is nothing pretty about the way that the tear stains

trace the emptiness in my heart

across my cheeks

like a watercolour

that you used to love

the way my eyes swell

and my temples throb

as i cry myself to sleep

once again

when the memories

become too much

there is nothing admirable

about the way that i hide

what i am feeling inside

if you could only see

the mess that my innards

have become

you would not say

that my flaws are beautiful

the cavern of my chest

is a garden ravaged by the weeds

of poisonous thoughts

that run through my veins

my mind is a warzone

the aftermath

of some nuclear disaster

the monsters that hide

behind my ribcage

and tear the life from my bones

they are not beautiful

so do not tell me

that my demons make me attractive

because that

is exactly what is killing me

i am not beautiful // m.p.

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