Double Act (A One Direction Fanfiction)

Chapter Forty: Finally Snapped

Double Act - Chapter 40

~~ Lara's P.O.V ~~

I sank to my knees as I reached the only place I thought familiar, and covered my face with my hands. Here is where I found the confidence to perform first of all, and it was here I had lost the confidence to perform last of all.

I shook with sobs, sobs filled with shame of what I had just run away from. How could I? I let my brother, fighting for his life, down. I let my sister, fighting for her dreams to come true, down. I let Louis, the one that I had realized that I wanted to please the most, down. And here I was, feeling sorry for myself. But as much as I tried to stand up and go back, my legs wouldn't let me.

My heart wanted to perform, but my brain didn't.

And there I was, all alone for a few moments of silence before I heard the panicked voice of Dermot. It sounded like they had to go to an emergency advert break on TV, and I collapsed with my back against the wall. It was all my fault.

I rested my folded arms on my knees and buried my face in to the goose-bumped arms. I let out a breath, and with it came hiccups and sobs of anger, sadness, guilt and shame that I had been holding in for weeks. I didn't mean to cry, it just.. happened.

"Hey kiddo,"

My head shot up, and I sniffed to control my hiccupping.

"L-l-Louis," I looked down again, and then just let my head fall backwards on to the wall and stared at the blank ceiling. "Look at what I've done," I shook my head and closed my eyes.

For a second there was silence, apart from the low hum of the crowd a few rooms away. "What are you doing out here, Lara?" Louis asked, his voice laced with a sliver of sympathy but mostly what sounded like disappointment. It made my shoulders tense up, and a few more tears prick my eyes.

"You know you can do this,"

I frowned. "No, Louis. I d-don't," I shook my head, opening my eyes, but not looking at him, for fear of his disappointed expression. "Everyone s-says that. You kn-know you can, you know you can d-do this. Well what i-if I don't know th-that?" I asked the ceiling, trying to calm my breathing as I spoke. "I can't do this, Louis. I don't know w-why, but tonight, I j-just can't," As I finished, my breathing fastened again, something that always happened when I had been crying.

Silence fell over us after that, and I let my eyelids drift shut. After a minute or so, I heard Louis' footsteps move closer, and then after a sigh there was a light thud beside me on the carpet, telling me that he'd taken a seat.

"Why did you choose a dress for tonight?"

I frowned at his question, but didn't think it unusual for more than a moment before answering. "I don't know. There had been a lot of drama and I just let Mandy do her thing. She's always saying that she wants to do my hair and makeup and make me look all girly, and tonight I thought I'd just... let her, you know?" I shrugged, still not daring to take a glimpse of anything but the ceiling.

"So it wasn't, like, to impress Dylan or anything?"

I laughed humourlessly. "Why would I want to impress him? He's been nothing but a dick to me lately, and I couldn't care less about him right now," I admitted, feeling a little embarrassed about pouring my feelings out to Louis on command. But I needed to vent, and Louis was someone to vent to.

A sigh of relief came from Louis, and I let it pass without questioning it. It was a well known fact and Louis and Dylan weren't particularly friendly with each other, and I had begun to realise why.