Will We Ever Be The Same?

So So Sorry For Your Loss

Sasha POV

I can't bare to tell Lucy. I can't. Maybe her thinking she was the reason I did it was better than the real reason. I had put this off for weeks. She was my sister for crying out loud she will obviously be there for me. But she had just told me she might loose her baby, this will not make her feel any better about it.

I sighed looking down at my hands trying to gather the courage to tell her. When I glanced back up her eyes were drawing me in and I finally gave in and told her, "I suffered a miscarriage. That's why I did it." Her facial expression was unreadable as she sat with a blank look upon her face with nothing coming from her mouth. She looked right through me. I was not expecting this. I stared into her eyes which hadn't moved since I spoke to try and get at least a slight reaction from her but nothing changed. Was she in shock? I shouldn't have came over, maybe I should have just never have told anybody.

Finally, she reached over to me, wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. "Sash, I'm always here for you. I'm so so sorry for your loss." She kissed my cheek and kept her arms around me as I explained.

"We weren't even trying to have a baby, so it was a surprise. I was about 7 weeks when it happened. I wa- You probably don't want to know the details." My thoughts were going at 100mph around my head as I pulled away of our hug. Lucy kept a hold of my hands so she was still comforting me.

"You can tell me whatever you need to get everything off of your chest." She spoke so soft and calmly even though I could tell she was freaking out on the inside but was holding it altogether. I took a deep breath and began.

"I had gotten sick one morning and I had really sore back pain but I thought it was just the flu coming on, but I was so wrong. I had pregnancy tests in the bathroom anyway from that time when you thought you were and we did the tests in my bathroom so Ian and Hudson didn't find out, so I used one of the ones that were left over. When it came up positive I thought I was going to have a panic attack, I had only taken it to make sure I wasn't. But then all kinds of emotions were just coursing through my body that I couldn't even form a sentence to tell Hudson. So when he called on me and I never answered he came, found me on our bed lying all curled up, I threw the test at him for him to catch and he was in shock as well." I took another couple of deep breaths before continuing while Lucy sat there waiting for me to talk as she rubbed circles on the back of my hand with her thumbs. "We got the appointment so yes we found I was 5 weeks pregnant and we were going to wait until it was safe to tell everyone, meaning our families. But about 2 weeks after I was driving back from Target and I felt a gush of something, like if I had pee'd myself or something but I was nearly home so I drove a bit faster to get there and check myself out. But when I was pulling into the start of the estate it happened again, however this time I felt like I was sitting in a puddle of water. And my car interior is cream so you can imagine my face when I pulled into the driveway, got out and seen a deep red puddle in my seat." My eyes were now burning with trying to hold back the tears that they just started to fall simultaneously.

"We can take a break before you continue Sash, just take your time, you're alright I'm right here." Lucy said so soothingly like a mother would talk to their child when putting them to sleep.

"I had barely managed into the house when I just screamed in pain, Hudson came flying down the stairs to find me at the door on my hands and knees trying to keep myself stable as my legs weren't supporting me enough to stand. You and Ian were at work when the ambulance arrived and whisked us both to the hospital where they told me I had suffered from a miscarriage. My car wasn't in the shop being repaired, it had to get a new seat because it was soaked in blood which is why you and Ian had to give me a lift to work that day you ignored me. When we were released from the hospital I lay on the couch for hours with my eyes closed, I wasn't sleep I felt empty and Hudson and I couldn't hold a conversation without crying."

Lucy POV

I cannot believe that my baby sister has went through this and I wasn't there for her.

"I couldn't believe that it had happened, it wasn't so much that I was in denial, I was just so conflicted with all my emotions and thoughts that I couldn't take it anymore. So that day of my parents' anniversary when you came in and I was screaming at you, I never meant to be such a wreck, but everything on top loosing the baby like you being in the hospital and then the anniversary I was in the state of mind that everyone was against me. Maybe if I let you in on what was going on that day I wouldn't have overdosed on pills. But I was helpless and empty."

The tears had been running down both of our faces for the duration her telling me what had happened that she eventually started to sob heavily into her dads when I pulled her into another bear hug where she let it all out. "Babe, I cannot even imagine what you were feeling in the moment with the pills but I just want you to know that I will always be here for you, no matter when you need somebody I will always be here. Okay? Please never forget that. You are loved and in the future you and Hudson will have a gorgeous little family, this time around was just not meant to be and sometimes that happens and that is okay."

My shirt was soaked with her salty tears. She must have sobbed for a good while after me speaking until she had calmed down and tired herself out as she fell asleep on my shoulder. The sofa was big enough for two people to lie down on it next to one another so I had managed to shift her to lay down while I lay next to her, covered us with a thick blanket before falling asleep myself.