Will We Ever Be The Same?

Night Talks

Lucy POV

As I lay awake at 4:30am staring at the ceiling of our bedroom my mind effortlessly wonders off to places where it shouldn't be. As I have learned in life, it is too short to live with grudges.

I took my phone from the table beside our bed and scrolled through Twitter until Sasha's name caught my eye.

'I can't sleep. Too busy thinking.'

I wonder what she is thinking about. Something she clearly couldn't confine with me in. Sasha and I haven't been on the best of terms after her being taken to hospital due to her overdose; which I mindlessly took full responsibility for, meaning I wasn't blamed for it nor did Sasha say it was my fault but everything these days seem to be me causing them to happen so another thing on my conscious wouldn't hurt, right ?

Before I knew it I had sent a text to Sasha asking if she wanted to talk. Now I waited for her response. She quickly agreed that she would like to and she will be over in 10 minutes. So I quickly got out of bed, grabbed my phone and went down to the kitchen to make tea. I miss coffee.

I heard the front door close and then seen a very sleep deprived Sasha standing in pj shorts, a big jacket and a pair of uggs. The first thing I did was gave her a hug.

Soon after we were sitting on the sofa, sipping coffee yet none of us have even said a word. The tension within the room could be cut with a knife. I'm going to be the bigger person and just say whatever needs to be said.

"Sash." She looked up. "I'm sorry for the way I acted at the house when you were watching the videos. It was wrong of me to do, but especially on that day with everything going on." I said softly as she never made eye contact with me. "Please forgive me. It has been killing me that we haven't spoken in weeks."

"I forgive you. But I'm sorry for shutting you out more than often, there was so much going on at that time. I," her breath hitched at the back of her throat. "I was just so concerned for you being in the hospital but I wasn't allowed to come and see you, Maggie didn't know anything about you or Ian being there by the way, and the amount of paparazzi articles with the countless photos of Ian and you at the hospital." She finally looked at me.

"Sasha I-" I interjected but she quickly cut me off.

"No, let me talk or you're going to get half of what I need to say." I nodded and let her proceed. "I know that the ones of you and the girls were from when I was in there and I seen the tear marks on your cheeks. I know that you sat in Troi's car for hours balling, I know. But what I seem to not know is why you were in the hospital to begin with. And why do you keep going back there?" The tears formed in her eyes as my heart broke to see her like this, "Are you sick?"

I let out a breath I never knew I was holding, "Honey, no no no. I'm not sick."

"Then why do you keep going back?"

"Umm, well because I had some tests that had to be ran and then I had to go and get the results. Honestly Sasha I'm okay."

"Stop lying to me, Lucy! I'm not some fragile little girl anymore that needs to be constantly protected from the truth. I can handle whatever is going on. I know that you're lying straight to my face, I can see right through you and your act. It's not gonna work in front me. Not anymore. I want the truth."

I put my cup which was filled with tea on the table, sat up straight while facing her and prepared myself for the worst.

"Remember when Ian and I picked you up when your car wasn't starting and I ignored you the full ride to work and then you went in a huff?"

"Yes. I was so pissed but what does that have to do with it?" She responded.

"It all adds up girlie wait for it. Ian and I had just been to a doctors appointment that day and I was in a weird ass mood because that was the day I had all the stomach pains on set, if you were ever told of that. Anyways, fast forwarding to when we went to the dinner party  after Ian and I got engaged, I was wearing tight white pants and when Ian and I were about to leave I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding."

"So, you got your period in white pants in what you are trying to say?"

I shook my head and continued, "If only it were that simple. There wasn't meant to be blood especially at that time of the month even if it was my period it shouldn't have been so early. So then, Ian and I went to the doctors and they rushed me to the hospital because the blood was just getting heavier and heavier and they couldn't find out why I was bleeding. That's why the car was at the doctors and we asked y'all to pick it up for us." I looked her dead in the eyes to put across the point I was so serious about what I was telling her. "Sasha I hope you're ready for what I'm about to tell you."

"Please tell me. You can trust me."

My heart suddenly started to pound of my chest and my breathing became increasing fast. "An cyst in my ovary had burst which is why I was in pain but they couldn't understand why I could have bled so much. Ian wouldn't let you up because I was a wreck. I had tubes and machines here, there and everywhere" My eyes started to water while I blinked rapidly to try and disguise it.

"Sasha I'm pregnant." Sasha's eyes never fell out the sockets and her jaw dropped.

"I'm so happy for you guys ! Oh my god. I'm gonna be an aunt again." A glimpse of sadness coated her voice which I tried to not notice but didn't focus on right now.

"So when I was bleeding they ran tests, and I got the results the day of when you-" I didn't want to mention it. "That's why I sat in Troian's car for hours balling my eyes out. The tests came back to say that the chord which connects the baby to me has torn and will not be able to carry the baby throughout the pregnancy. And to top that day off I also found out that you thought I was sick and that is why I was in the hospital. I wanted to tell you Sasha. You were the first person I wanted to tell. But I couldn't, you were acting strange about things and I didn't want to burden you with my problems."

At this point Sasha's eyes were red but no tears had fallen from her eyes yet. "Are you and the baby okay now ? Like will the chord make it?"

"We don't know. They've gave me vitamin after vitamin to try and make it stronger but my body just seems to be rejecting them. We'll find out soon if she'll make it or not." I wiped away the tears which had fell down my face.

"It's a girl?"

"Yeah. I'm carrying my daughter which I might never get to meet or feed or hold or- ." That's when I just started balling, Sasha pulled me in for a hug while she cried on my shoulder too.

Eventually the tears had became less frequent and I composed myself. "Because I've just told you what is going on with me, can you tell me why you did it?" She looked away and bit her lip to stop it from trembling, "why did you take all of the pills? Was it because of us not telling you why I was at the hospital? Was it because of your parents anniversary?"

The second Sasha connected eyes with me I knew she was going to start crying, so I quickly pulled her toward me and rested her head on my shoulder while my arms wrapped around her. Then her body just started convulsing as she sobbed hard into my shoulder. She tried to speak between sobs but she was to hysterical to even construct a sentence, so I just held her while soothingly rubbed her back until she was able to speak.

A/N-

GUESS WHO IS BACK AND READY !!!!!! Was in such a bad place for a while, but I'm getting back in to the routine. I apologise if this chapter is crap but I tried ! Enjoy, the next chapter will be up within the next week.

Love you guys !!

Xxx Lea