Will We Ever Be The Same?

Let It All Out

Lucy POV

Ian and I spent the rest of my mom's dinner party at the hospital because I started to bleed, and it got heavier once we got to the doctors. They told me that it was a cyst in my ovary which had popped and that is what was causing the pain but they said it was unusual for me to bleed because of a cyst. But, they managed to stop the bleeding and then discharged me to go home. The told us the baby was definitely not harmed with all the tests and scans which I had done last night. Ian told me that he texted Marlene and told her what was going on and she said we've to be on set later than everybody else. Ian also told me that Sasha was really upset about me being in hospital and not knowing what was going on. But hospitals brings up bad memories for us all so I don't blame her for being worried and upset.

I walked into the trailer to see it was empty. Just the make up artists were in. The girls must've been shooting a scene. All of our schedules have been the same lately because all the scenes are usually all four or five of us. I got my hair and make up did for the day then went to my dressing room to get dressed as Aria Montgomery. I was dressed in these crazy patterned pants and a plain black shirt and a studded leather jacket as I walked from the dressing room to set. I was early as the girls were still filming the end of a scene.

I was still in a bit of pain and discomfort in my lower stomach but they gave me medication for the pain which wouldn't harm the baby or myself, so I took that before we left to come here.

Ian was shooting a scene with Keegan and Tyler then he was done for the day. But probably wouldn't leave until I did because he has to get measured and fitted for clothes for the next episode.

The bell rung meaning that they've to stop filming for a break. I rounded the corner to see all the girls in their positions with my stunt double obviously standing there pretending to be me from the back. Sasha's whole face lit up when she seen me. She came running over and gave me a hug, not a really tight one or a loose one, just a lovingly caring sisterly hug which I've needed. Troian took a picture of us and posted in on Instagram in a collage with the one from the other day that Sasha had sent her of when Troian, Shay and Ashley hugged me in the trailer and she put the caption as 'When one comes later to set they are welcomed by a hug'.

I pulled Sasha off to see her eyes filled with tears. "Sweetie, I'm okay now. I'm perfectly fine, don't cry, or I'll start crying." She let out a small sob before her eyes went dry and she composed herself. I wiped under her eyes as they were a little black and gave her another small hug. But if she was crying about me being in the hospital or something else which is coming up I don't know.

"Lucy!" Marlene called from behind me. I turned around uncertain about what her facial expressions would be like. She looked happy to see me so I walked over and she pulled over to the side. "Are you better than you were last night?"

"Not exactly, but I will be soon than later," I said in reply to her question.

"Do you know your lines to shoot just now, because I don't want to keep you longer if you still aren't feeling that good?"

"I know them and as long as I eat and drink water during scenes I will be fine. And could you tell Mandi that I've not to be in any tight clothing because this bump is noticeable through some stuff."

"Of course I will. When are you going to spill about Baby Harding to everybody except me?"

"As soon as we find out what we're having. And that isn't that far away."

"I'm so excited. What do you want to have?"

"I honestly wouldn't mind either. I think Ian wants a boy because of all the jokes he makes about it being a boy or maybe he is just winding me up." I chuckled then Marlene told me to get back to set to start filming.

Between cuts I would munch on something small and drink some water just to be on the safe side of this pregnancy.

After seven hours of all different scenes and the table read for the next episode we had wrapped for the night. Marlene had gave everybody the day off tomorrow, as it was the anniversary of Sasha's parents death. The first year we were filming on that day, Sasha and I were so distracted thinking about them that we were pulled aside and asked what was going on by Marlene then a fourteen year old Sasha broke down in front of us both and Marlene was speechless. She had never seen somebody cry that hard before when they were that young. So ever since then we have that day off.

Once Ian and I got home it was about 10pm and I was shattered so we both went up to bed. After twenty minutes of showering, brushing our teeth and putting pyjamas on we were tucked in bed just talking about our day.

"Are you going down to see Sasha tomorrow?" Ian asked me.

"Yeah, she usually shuts everybody out so I'll go over and see how she is doing."

"How are you doing?" Ian asked while he wrapped a piece of my hair round his finger and pushes it off of my face.

"I'm doing okay," I never completely lied but I wasn't telling the truth either. I'm not doing okay, I feel like crap. I could have lost this baby last night and I'm extremely lucky that I didn't. And also the fact that my auntie and uncle have been dead for five years now and my sister still beats herself up about it, breaks my heart. Nobody wants to see anybody they love suffer that much. Also I'm still terrified to even sleep incase the bleeding starts again. I can't handle blood. I'm so very lucky that I never lost the baby with the amount of blood I lost. I thought that was the end of this pregnancy, and I couldn't have handled that. I just couldn't have. And now we have to tell Sasha and our families soon is only making me stress out even more. "I don't wanna do it Ian," I said as all the different thoughts went at 100 mph through my head. "I can't do it," my voice cracked, "I just can't."

Ian POV

The tears suddenly fell out Lucy's eyes one after another as I carefully wiped them away with the back of my hand. "What don't you wanna do? Don't you want to down and see how she is doing tomorrow?" I asked while rubbing circles on her back. The hyperventilation and violent sobs took over her petite body as I sat myself up and pulled her to a sitting position before moving her again so she was crying into the crook of my neck. I don't know why she was crying, but she cried for a good twenty minutes before speaking.

"I don't wanna go through this day again." She spoke quietly like there was something else bothering her aswell.

"Are you sure that's all that is bothering you?" I asked hesitantly incase she snapped back at me.

"Why would you ask that?" She replied.

"Because I know you Luce and when you cry it's not just one thing you're crying about, it's a mixture. You try to hold stuff together to look strong but in the inside you're obviously torn up about tomorrow and another scary thing. So are you going to tell me what it is, because I'm here for you and I always have been and always will be?"

She sat up and looked at me like she was about to burst into tears again. "I'm just scared. Scared of Sasha's reaction to the baby. What if she hates me and never talks to me again?"

"She wont hate you, once you tell her she'll know how much it means to you and me then she will be happy for us, okay. She definitely will not hate you." I went to pull her in for a hug but she pulled away.

"Ian, what if I lose this baby?" The tears were snowing in her big hazel eyes but she was blinking hard to not let them show. "I though when I was being rushed into hospital that was the reason. That's why I never wanted Sasha to come up and see me because before we we're told about the cyst all I though was 'I've lost this baby'." She is breaking my heart right now. Tears flew down her face like they did before and they kept coming as she went on to say, "And I can't keep this to myself anymore. I worried about it all last night, the whole day today, do you know how many times I went to the toilet just to make sure I wasn't bleeding? A lot, between every second take. I'm just so scared and confused and very tired." She moved herself between my legs and fell forward onto my chest then eventually cried herself to sleep there. I tried to calm her down but every time I would say something she would cry even harder.

Tomorrow is going to be hell.