We as Humans

Train

I want to write my thoughts down. To make them closer to the concept of "permanent". In my mind the things I think make sense. They touch concepts and introduce trains of thought I follow for hours when I should be thinking of nothing. Asleep. But I go to put them down and I loose track of them. The thoughts become words on the tip of my tongue that are just out of reach. And suddenly, what I mean to say, or what I meant to say, or who I meant to be, or what I meant to think, is gone. It's not on paper. And once again it doesn't exist. And I convince myself it was a thought that was simply amazing. But in the scumble of thoughts it could have been nothing of any meaning. Everyone craves to be individual so much that not craving it is the only way to be something truly unique. We want to think that the things we think of are special. That they are breakthroughs of sorts. We want to think that if someone were to look into our heads, they would find something fascinating. We are terrified that if someone would look they would see a mirror of their own typical thoughts. That you are not as individual as you believe yourself or try to be. I find comfort in thinking that when I loose my train of thoughts the train I lost was a real loss; worth something and not just a repeat of the useless soup I swim through for inspiration or pity. At the same time, we don't want people to see into our heads. We don't want to be told we're wrong. We don't want someone to tell us the way we view something is stupid. We want the dignity of thinking it has value. We want to think the trains running on the rails, if caught, would have information that people relate to. I don't want to be told the trains I captured were better off running off the rails.

Do you?