We as Humans

Disassociation.

Imagine you are standing in a room.

You are socializing and talking and smiling and laughing.

Now imagine taking your brain; your consciousness, and moving it two feet left of you.

You're still laughing. Still smiling. Still talking. But it feels distant. Not any the less genuine, necessarily. Just as though it were happening to a different person. Like the edges of the interaction are fuzzy and it connects to you but not quite.

Two minutes later someone asks you about the interaction and you can't quite remember what happened. Not like amnesia, but like recounting a scene on tv. The "who said what" of it is a little less important and you can picture it, but you can't quite grasp it.

The best analogy I can think of is to imagine a puzzle. You have all the pieces in order perfectly, except none of them are touching. The picture is there and in order, it's just not clear. The empty spaces between the picture distract.

Panic attacks are like loosing someone in a huge crowd. Except that someone is you and you can't find yourself and the puzzle pieces are drifting further with each panicked breath. You're loosing track and things are fuzzy and it hurts.

Like looking at the world from something else and just wishing you could feel part of it.

Sometimes the pieces are closer.

Sometimes further apart.

The feeling is disassociation.

Yes I'm aware this is a very common feeling and I am not a special little snowflake. I just wanted to say something about this. I also have a poem called "Touch." about this earlier. Though if you read this far then you'd probably know that. And by you I mean for-you-orme-or-both. Thank you greatly for your continued interest in my continued musings.