We as Humans

Memories of a Human in Question.

I
can't remember
exactly what I looked like a year ago
or how I felt
the first time I had my favorite ice cream.
I don't recall
the stories my parents tell me
of a time my eyes had trouble
looking above the counter tops.
What was it like
the first time
I dressed myself?
What was the joke
that made me laugh so hard I cried?
Was I happy
four years ago today?
These memories seem insignificant
but together
they form me.
So why can't I remember
why hibiscus tea makes me sad?
Or the exact conversation
I had two days ago?
There are so many gaps
in my mind of memories.
There are so many questions
I can't answer.
And it makes me feel false.
Transparent.
Absent.
Nostalgic for things I can't even pinpoint.
I want to remember their smile that day
and how I made it.
Maybe then I'd feel whole.
Solid.
Here.
Or maybe just as lost.
But I want these memories.
I want to hold onto who I was.
Because I feel like
my favorite songs
their smile
and this day
matter.
Because they're important
to me
today
in this quickly fading moment
soon to be a soon forgotten
memory.

Do you prefer my philosophy chapters or poetry?