We as Humans

Chaos.

I'm not a vengeful person.
I hold grudges secretly deep in me because life has taught me that trust is stupid to fully rebuild and people don't actually change. So far I have never been proven wrong. I don't want to kill people who have hurt me and I don't really crave pain.

But sometimes I want to watch the world crumble.

My friend told me it's human nature to want to do the thing that will have the most powerful effect. It's why you're tempted to drop a baby or get a tattoo or say something cruel that you don't mean. And maybe that's it. Maybe I want to destroy things just to have an effect.

Or maybe it's power. People love power. Not always riches or respect, just control. I want to stop time and read minds and blow things up just by using my mind. I want to destroy a building and force every one to forget.

All I know is that sometimes I feel so small and in a logical way I know that I am. That I probably don't really have an importance and though it would hurt those around me, were I to die life would keep rolling on. Maybe that's why sometimes I want to watch the world crumble. I want to fall apart and bring everything down with me. I want total control and with it I just want it to end.

Maybe this is human nature. Our darkest thoughts of control and cruelty. I want to make my friends smile and I'd give my everything if someone needed a transplant. But there's that small voice that wants to burn everything just to feel in control.

Knowing that I have that voice is why I won't trust anyone else. Because deep inside,

We all crave chaos.