We as Humans

Teenager.

Tonight I went to dinner with my friends and in a car full of people I realized a few things.

One: someone I thought of as a peer was driving

Two: I hadn't been home in almost two days

Three: I was paying with money I made at my job

Four: I was a teenager. 

The final realization was both glaringly obvious and absolutely stunning.

You see, kids spend their childhood wondering what it will be like to be a teenager.

And here I was. Talking about formal dresses and dating and driving and money on a highway at night with my friends blaring music: a teenager.

And while I was doing it it didn't feel particularly special. Not a big step of any sort. Yet here I was, doing the things I fantasized about for years.

It's the feeling of realizing what you waited for your whole life is here. And it doesn't feel like anything at all. It's a strange feeling.

Maybe that's why I've been so obsessed with time lately. Because I'm going through the halls with that voice in my head going "well, this is it. Highschool."

It's that terrifying headfirst falling feeling of having what you wanted and it not being enough. Or maybe it's enough it just doesn't feel like anything. It's that fear that maybe everything will be like this. Maybe you will grow up and you'll be an adult married with your dream home and job and it will still just feel like this. Like empty. Like nothing.

We crave more and are never fully content. Things we have been waiting for come and they just aren't stunning. It's the nature of people to always want to jump off the diving board a little higher each time. Headfirst.

Here I was; driving down a road at night. And it felt okay. Normal. Not worth waiting for.

Not satisfying. Not content. That human voice in the back of my mind just told me "more."