We as Humans

Mentally

My heads a mess.
Well
not really
but it's fine
so I guess so.
Things are scattered
or blown
or twisted.
Something.
Not there.
And too much.
Everything is heavy
but my blood
is too light.
Something
isn't right.
But no one can know
because that might make it real.
And right now
I'm convinced
the things in my head
are false.
There's a pressure
or an emptiness
but I can't tell which.
Something's not right.
Something about me
or everyone
or maybe not
is left.
I'm swimming
or drowning
but the water fills my ears
so maybe it's good
when it feels
so off.
If life is a balance
the fear to tip it
has me frozen.
Gone.
Scared.
Empty.
Maybe robotic?
If it's missing some screws.
I'm alarmed
but not panicked
because that might break
the shell I'm building
against a thing
Maybe me?
Maybe not?
that scares me.
Or is it the shell
that I'm scared of?
I can't remember.
It's too heavy.
It's too empty.
Something isn't right.
I'll keep building.
Until I stop
or move again.
Until I'm present here
or gone from this state.
Am I scared to leave
or scared to stay?
What isn't right?
I mean
mentally.

(I wasn't sure whether to post this one. It's choppy and messy that's meant to paint the picture but I'm scared people will judge it for that instead.  Oh well. Please tell me your thoughts on this one.)