MY ONLY SIGHT

I Miss You (ESTELLA)

The calming sound of the gentle rain accompanied with the soft kiss of the cold wind onto my warm cheeks and with the ever creeping feeling of loneliness like ivy just causes my mind to explode with memories of the times we spent together.

The bitter memories streaming through my mind like the tears that are currently streaming down my cheeks.

The sweet memories bring in a sweet taste my lips.

And regretful ones piling up into a hill deep within and weighing me down.

I miss it. I miss it all.

I miss:

My life,

I miss:

My marriage,

I miss:

My son,

I miss it all.

And above all, I miss us.

I just hope that woman will be able to take good care of you but with her condition?

Oh Micah!

Oh what world have I brought you to?

I'm so sorry I made the mistake of bringing you into it.

Before it was just your father.

Then when we fell in love, I became a target too.

We had to keep apart for a whole year but that was until you became our bond and I felt it was going to be alright because even though your father's father was messed up, we still had my family to protect us and your Giagiá.

I thought that we were both going to be fine - even though I had always been a shittty mother- your dad was always there to catch you whenever I dropped you and save you from me.

I learned to love you even more and tried my best to be the best mother to you but then your grandfather just couldn't wait to get rid of you so when I found out your life was put in danger, I searched for all the help I could find and we were safer and happier but that was not until I found out that it actually wasn't your fault that we had problems but your father's for intentionally bringing you into this world.

I felt that I was feeling your pain, that you didn't need to go through any of it but it was after we had made it through by finaly getting out of their sight.

It was getting much easier to dress our wounds until your father died and I fell week.

From time to time, I feel that this might again be my last letter to you Micah and though I trust that you are fairing well in the arms of your other mother, I am definitely not sure that I am, in the arms of the cold feel of loneliness.

With each passing year, I begin to feel that I can tell you more about our life.

And maybe on the day when I feel that it is time for me to join your father.

I wish to spend my last days with you but I fear of what you might think of me when you see me and the danger that may fall upon you if they find out that you are my son. So please hold on for me and try to love her as you would have loved me.

I love you Micah and I still ask that you keep our connection between us.

I miss you.