Against The Fate || Clalec || ( A Clary and Alec Fanfiction)

Chapter 15: Scattered

Clary

I watched him carefully, adoring his angelic face while I still could. He looked so peaceful, so steady. His long eyelashes curved perfectly, thick and fall on his cheek bones. His skin was still pale, so did his lips.

Three days. I thought. Three days and he hadn't yet woke up.

I placed his cold hand on my cheek, his fingertips felt so lifeless everywhere it touched me. "Don't leave me, Alec," I whispered. My eyes were tired, I couldn't come here to visit Alec quite often. I usually sneak up at night or came when nobody's around. Or like right now, when everyone was out in The Silent City and I volunteered to stay here to watch Alec.

I was sure they all noticed how different I've been lately. I didn't care.
I barely talked to Jace since we got back here. I also didn't talk to Isabelle if it's not really necessary.
I told them all that I'm just still shock over what happened, I lied.

Louisa was taken to The Silent City after the incident, that's why everyone was going there to visit her. Her trial would be held tomorrow. However, I was not planning on going there.

"Alec, wake up," my voice was crooked, broken. Pain in every words I spoke. "I.. I lied," I admitted, my voice was barely audible. "I lied when I told you that I wanted you to leave." My eyes felt heavier, unshed tears started forming in my eyes. "Remember that one time I told you what we had was wrong? I guess it really was. But.. I can't even tell what's right and wrong anymore. Being with you, being with you makes everything seems alright,  you made me feels so right,"

I closed my eyes, letting tears rolled down my cheeks. I inhaled, breathing sharp air to my lungs. "I love you," I let the words fell from my lips. My heartbeat felt quicken and my hand felt more shaky as I trusted myself to repeat what I just said. "I love you, Alec Lightwood, I love you so much."

I remembered Brother Enoch's words the day he first came here to heal Alec. His words, it echoed again in my mind, 'there is a chance that he will never wake up.' The words sent shiver down my spine. What if.. He's right? What if I could never looked into those midnight blue eyes again? What if I lost him?

I placed his hand back to his side and put my head on the bed -next to his arm. I used my forearm as a pillow and closed my eyes. Breathe, I need to keep breathing. He'll be alright -he will.

He's Alec Lightwood, he'll know how to survive.

➰
Dark.
I was under the same dark sky I once stood in front of Alec.
Afraid and cold.
He was not here. He was nowhere to be seen.
Breathe.
Suddenly it was not just the sky that was dark, suddenly the darkness swallowed me alive.

Heaven.
Where could I found those?
Existence,
it was barely even there.

Hell.
I'd spend a lifetime there if it means to be with him
Sin,
I could hardly regret it if I was his.

Lost.
He's the only road I could trust
Guiding me out of the dark, showing me there's still a light

Home.
It was suddenly just a pair of arms wrapped tightly around my body
And a pair of midnight blue eyes to make everything seems complete.