Against The Fate || Clalec || ( A Clary and Alec Fanfiction)

Chapter 21: Love and Pain

Clary

I knocked at his door, not really sure of what or how was I supposed to do this. But I knew I had to. I had to.

Alec opened the door briefly, stood there in his navy blue sweater and dark sweatpants. His eyelids looked reddish, his eyes.. his midnight blue eyes looked sorrowful. His face didn't show much expression, only looking so exhausted. However, his expression hardened when he saw me.

"Clary, you are not supposed to be here." He said.

"I know," I said. "I know." With that, I threw myself quickly at him, crashing my lips into his, my hands around his neck. I knew what I did was not good, I knew I'd regret this. One last time, I convinced myself.

To my surprise, he pulled me inside his room, locking the room as he pressed me against the wooden door. His lips returning my kiss, fast and passionate. His hands on my sides and my hands in his hair, feeling everything came back to me, feeling like I had him back for me. I longed for his touch and now I had it, I had him.

His hands suddenly moved up, arms pressed agains the door. He stopped, leaning out with his both eyes closed and his breath uneven. He said, "No, no, Clary. This isn't right. I- I don't want you like this." I could see what the cost from him to say the words, to told me this was wrong. Because I once been in his place, I once had to push aside all the feelings and everything inside me just to tell him no.

"I know, Alec. I know." I leaned toward him again, capturing his lips in mine again. He made a voice, low and deep behind his throat. Half complaining and half something else.

"Clary-" I didn't let his lips escaped. "Clary, no-" I knew I was being selfish, I knew this wasn't right. But I just needed to held him one more time, to feel belonged and to feel loved by the one I loved.

"Just one last time, my love." The words slipped my lips so easily, so beautifully. I never called anyone with that kind of names before, not even Jace. And I could felt him tensed at the name, stunned. I dared myself to open my eyes, staring into his blue eyes in this little amount of space between us. His eyes were dark and wide, emotion mixed in it. "I know this is wrong, Alec. I never say it isn't. But one last time, Alec. My god, just one last time with you is all I'm asking for." I told him, half a prayer.

His eyes were fixed in mine, I could feel the pain in them. The pain of betraying his parabatai, the pain of doing the wrongs. "No," he choked the words out. "Jace- I can't hurt him anymore, not more than what I already did-"

"He wouldn't know," I placed my hands in his cheeks, trying to convince him. "He wouldn't find out. This is only between the two of us, Alec. Just like how it always has been." He looked away, a war inside his mind. "Look at me, Alec. Tell me no." My thumb caressed his cheek softly.

A tear slipped from the corner of his eyes, he bit his lips, shaking his head slowly. His words lost.

I moved on of my hands down, sneaking around his body, hugging him. My other hand slipped to the back of his neck. "Alec," I said, "look at me, my love." And that he slowly did.

I slowly captured his lips in mine again, I could feel him hesitate at first, but he fought his own mind and kissed back. Slow and passionate, but I could feel fire and electricity erupted inside me. His groan was deep and held pleasure in it, making me gasp each time.

He placed his hands on my tight, bringing me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my hands were back in his hair again. His feet walked us to his bed, where he placed me down carefully in the center of it. His body heat radiate through his sweater as he hovered above me. He stopped to opened his sweater and I did the same to my t-shirt. Both our body half bare. His eyes looked at my body, this was the first time he really got a good view on it. When his eyes were back to my eyes, It was even darker than before.