Against The Fate || Clalec || ( A Clary and Alec Fanfiction)

Chapter 25: To Love Is To Destroy

Clary

"What?" I asked as if I didn't hear it clear, feeling like my breath was being sucked out of me.

For some reasons, in the back of my mind I wished Alec hadn't say what he said. I knew I loved him still, but the thought of being with him was just too much at the moment. With everything still a mess right now, Jace, Isabelle.

I ran here for reasons, and the biggest was to avoid his presence and the feeling inside my chest. All the pain, and sadness, and heartbreak. This was just too much to bear.

"I know this isn't the right time to talk about it, but I don't think there will ever be one if we don't create it," Alec said with the seriousness in his eyes that leads me back to nights where he's the only thing on my mind. Blue eyes intensely looking into mind. Strong, careful arms holding me with his heavenly touch. Lips so soft and gentle easing all the harshness of the world. "Life has been a mess since we happened, Clary. And more than I blame you, I blame myself far more. But how can I truly hate us when I love it so much at the same time? I want us back, Clary. I want you. I want anything that is left of us and I'm willing to fix what has been broken between us."

His midnight blue eyes are burning on mine then, the gaze so sure it made my thoughts question myself to get away. It was so convincing that for a moment I believed it. For a moment I believed that it could be easy, that picking all these broken glass and place it back to the places it once been would be as easy as ticking my fingers.

When truth was, it was not. It could never be that easy. Life was not a dream and the chaos we created couldn't just be forgotten.

"Clary, I'm sorry for everything," Alec said again. "What I did before you left was selfish, blaming you for what happened. But at the moment I was not thinking it through. I panicked. And I know the excuse doesn't right it a single bit, that's why I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix it." Those eyes, those beautiful eyes always made me weak. "This has never been your fault only, in fact if it is anyone's then it's mine."

Maybe. But it's my fault too for letting him in.

"I was the one who started this affair, I was the one that get between you and Jace. I messed everything up between the two of you. I also made things worse by blaming this chaos at you when I knew it so damn much that I was the root of this problem." Those mesmerizing eyes showed me more than apology. It showed me everything he has, bare and stripped in front of my eyes. "I understand if you don't want me after everything I've done, in fact you ought to hate me. But I'm willing to fight for your trust and love again, Clary. By the angel, I will fight with all my life to have you back in my arms again."

The sincerity on his words were so vivid. My heart felt the familiar warmth only Alec could give again.

It was love. A selfish and unstoppable force that couldn't be controlled nor to be kept alone. It what destructed so many other things when you played it the wrong way.

And that was just as cruel as love could be.

Sometimes, it was indeed true, perhaps.

To love is to destroy.

My hands felt cold and my heart trembles as the words echoes through my mind. I looked away from those mesmerizing blue eyes, holding back the tears I just realized I had. The memories of Jace came back, how on those painful nights I was the one convincing Jace that love could be beautiful, and warm, and everything that contradicted destruction. It was me now who made him believe it again. It was me who handed the prove on him in a silver platter.