Chapter 23: Atone For Sin

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Alec

The Institute's sanctuary was the place Clary confronted me about her confession to Jace. I could still picture her fire red hair and the tears that escaped her eyes as if it just happened yesterday.

Clary and Jace spent a lot of their time here after we got back from the Dark War. This place must had been a very memorable place for them.

A pair of golden eyes met mine as I walk deeper into the sanctuary, stare as sharp as an eagle. He sat on the ground at the center of the room, watching me come closer. His feature set coldly, seemed like he had expected my presence before I even stepped my foot meters from the sanctuary's door. I notice a seraph blade lying on the ground besides him, its handle a few inches away from his fingers.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood, what a surprise to meet you here," a dark smirk played on his lips. "If stealing the love of my life is not enough of a favor you want from me, then please, do tell me what else you could possible want. Perhaps you want my eyeballs or my head on a silver platter too?"

The way he spoke his words were alluring, but so very dangerous. His position didn't change, even as I stopped about three steps in front of him.

"Jace-"

"Ah, I take it back. Hearing your voice has made me decide that I'm not in the mood to talk anymore," with the words being said, Jace jumped up to a standing position with his seraph blade firm on his grip.

Jace's bloodshot eyes observed me with a sinister stare. His lips form a frown.

"No seraph blade?" He threw his seraph blade away to the ground. "Hand to hand then."

Everything felt like it turn into a slow motion. I didn't move. Even when he launched towards me I didn't move. Even when he tackled me to the ground I didn't move. I didn't try to stop him or even try to cover the places I knew his fist would collapse with. On my jaw, on my cheekbones, on the side of my face, on everywhere I even lost track where.

Jace's lips kept on repeating the words "fight me" louder everytime, harder everytime.

I stayed silence, taking everything in. For I know that no matter how hard his fists hits me, I've hurt him worse than the physical pain that he gave me.

Jace finally stood up when he realized I wouldn't put up a fight. I tried to get up as I watched him walking towards his seraph blade. My head spinning and my vision blurry. All our lives Shadowhunter had been trained to put their pride above anything, to fight for themselves, to never back down.

But how could I? When it was my parabatai, how could I? Especially that this was my mistake.

"Maybe you are really asking for death," Jace muttered as he picked up his seraph blade from the ground. By the time he turned around I was already standing on my feet, still not moving.

Maybe he was right after all, the best way to atone this sin is to be dead instead.

"I'm giving you one last chance to fight, parabatai, before I stabbed this blade at you and slit your damn throat," he said through his gritted teeth as he took a slow pace towards me.

"Do it, Jace," I told him sincerely. "If that what it takes for you to forgive me, then do it. Kill me."

His jaws clenched even tighter, his golden eyes burning. His feet stopped right one step away from me.

"I'm not asking for any permission about Clary from you. All I'm seeking is your forgiveness," I tell him, almost too calmly for my own thrill.

"Why are you not fighting for her, Alec?" The words sounded desperate yet still full of hatred. Jace spitted the words out with so much venom in his voice. "Why are not fighting for her when all I have ever did was fight for her, Alec? With every last drop of my blood, Alexander Lightwood. Raziel, I'd kill myself for her."

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