Against The Fate || Clalec || ( A Clary and Alec Fanfiction)

Chapter 18: Feelings, a Pair of Golden Eyes, and Jace

[Author's note in the bottom of the chapter makes this chapter seems long.]

The wind blew coldly passed us, dancing slightly through Jace's golden hair. His eyes held an awareness, hints of fear and displeasant thoughts. He was clueless.

"It's about us, Jace."

I swore he gulped silently behind his throat. His eyes widened and his body tensed. "What is this about, Clary?"

I took a breath. One last time looking at him while he was still mine, one last time seeing him this way.

Jace Herondale was everything I dreamed of and everything I thought I'd ever wanted. Jace Herondale was the angel of my heart, the person I saw my future about. It was always him. Good god, I even asked Raziel to brought him back to life.

Once upon a dark night, Jace Herondale was all I ever needed, and I thought he was the only one I would ever need.

But things changed.

Without even thinking about the caused of my action, I let Alec Lightwood in. If only the night Jace left never happened, or if only I went with Jace to London institute, things wouldn't be the way it was now.

"I.. I can't do this anymore," I finally let the words escaped my lips. It hurt, I didn't know how, but it did. "I can't be with you anymore."

He gasped. Horror filled his eyes. "I- but- ..why?" His voice trembled. He looked like I just slapped him across th face. The disbelieve lingered, he did not see this coming. "Is it me? What have I done wrong? Did I do something wrong? Clary, things been hard lately, and I might not always be there for you when you need me, but I'm willing to try harder. I promise I'll be a better person. I promise I'll love you better-"

"No, Jace," I cut his words. "You were always there when I need you, you always loved me fully, you were always so perfect for me." I was confused of how to just said it in his face.

The expression in his face ached deeply in my heart. He looked so hurt, this was beyond painful for him and I could even read it through his eyes. "Then why, Clary?" He asked. His voice was low and shaky, there were tears in his golden eyes. "Just.. why? What is wrong with me?"

"It's not you, Jace. It's me," I said, my breathing was hard, as if I was just running for miles. "It's me." I repeated. Let it out. Speak it out. The closer I got to the words, the more tears forming in my eyes. "I.. I cheated on you."

His tears broke, rolling down his cheeks. His eyes were red and wide. He froze in his feet.

Silence.

"Why?" He whispered, tears escaped his eyes again. "Why, Clary?! Just tell me why!" His scream was just a whisper, low and sharp. He was demanding for answers I couldn't give.

"What did I ever do wrong to you?!" He demanded again. "Goddammit, Clary, I've loved you with all my heart. With every little pieces of it. I've loved you so much that everything I had ever did and everything I will ever do is all about you! I never thought of us going to end this way, not like this. I never thought I would ever lose you. I stayed loyal for you; Hell, I never even glanced at any girls since I was with you. How could you do this to me? How could you?"

My tears fell. He loved me so much, too much in fact. How could I break such a very beautiful love of his? How could I do this to him?

The first time I saw him, I would never believe it myself that anyone like Jace Herondale could love somebody so much like how he loved me.

The memories hit back. Pandemonium, saving Simon from the vampires, how Valentine came back and told us we were siblings, the lies told, all the secrets and the twists, Sebastian, Idris. Edom realm. The lake was so beautiful I remember seeing the reflection of myself in the surface and Jace was just ahead of me in the water. And all the nights that followed. His smile and face. His eyes, I thought I saw our future in them.