Smile, Dan

Chapter 1

*Dan's point of view*

      A blaring alarm woke me up. It was the fifth time this had happened this morning. It was finally time to get up and face the day. 

      I sat up, rubbing my eyes. The sun blared through the sides around the blinds. My guess was that it was around 11:00 in the morning. I stretched out a bit and grabbed my phone. The time read 11:17. That wasn't too bad considering I woke up at 3:00 yesterday.

      Phil was probably already up. He only slept in when necessary because he loved being awake. He was just such a ball of sunshine.

      I got up and walked out of my bedroom. In the kitchen, I grabbed some of my cereal. Surprisingly, Phil didn't eat all of it. That was always a good thing. I didn't want any tea or coffee. I just wasn't feeling it today. After I was done in the kitchen, I went to the lounge.

      Phil was already up and was on his laptop. He was wearing his Jake hoodie with classic Phil jeans. He looked so ready for the day. He was probably tweeting back to some of his fans because he just loved them that much. I sat down in my sofa crease and munched on my cereal.

      "Good morning, Dan. Are you feeling better today?" Phil stopped typing and looked at me.

      "I'm alright, I guess." I didn't bother to look at him. It was too early in the morning for happiness.

      "I'm here for you Dan. I hope you know that."

      "Phil, I know you are. It's just... you wouldn't understand how fucked up my life is right now." I stopped eating the cereal and looked down into my bowl.

      "Just talk to me when you're ready. I won't push you into having a conversation you're not ready for." I looked at him, and I could see the worry in his eyes.

      "Thanks, Phil. I needed that."

      "Anytime, Dan."

      Phil went back to tweeting, and I went back to eating my cereal.

      The next day, my twitter was exploding from tweets. They were all from my fans asking me if I was alright. It was probably because I hadn't tweeted in two weeks. In all honesty, I was the complete opposite of "alright". I had slipped back into depression, and of course, it had happened when I was finally coming out of it. I can't even think of the reason without wanting to slide that silver blade across my skin.

      In Phil's room, I could hear him filming a video. His videos are always so positive and uplifting. Mine are just hard reality.

      I rolled over and grabbed my laptop. I opened Tumblr and started scrolling. There were plenty of Phan edits. They always took up the majority of my dashboard. It lifts my mood to see the impact I'm making in the world. 

      I sighed and closed my laptop. I needed to get some fresh air. I'd been in inside for too long.