Smile, Dan

Chapter 28

*Ann's point of view (in a dream)*

      I was in an open field. The grass was the richest green I had ever seen and was comfier than anything I had felt in my entire life. The smell of the lilies and other assorted flowers was sweeter smell than the smell of chocolate. The sun shine was bright but not overwhelmingly bright. The breeze blew through my hair. Everything was perfect. I never wanted to leave this place.

      In the distance, I saw a figure with two horses walking towards me. When my eyes adjusted, I recognized the figure as my mother.

      Her wavy dark brown hair was fishtail braided to the side. Her gentle blue eyes sparkled like the sun hitting the open sea. Her laugh lines were clearly visible, and it made even more beautiful than she already was. She was a white dress that rippled against the wind. She looked like an angel.

      "Mother?" I whimpered. A tear fell down my cheek.

      "Hello Ann," she said in a gentle voice.

      I ran to her and threw myself at her in a hug. She laughed and gave me a huge hug back. I started sobbing. "I've missed you so much."

      She stroked my hair. "I know, I know. I've missed you too."

      We stayed in a hug for the longest time. Eventually, I came out of the hug and stared at her in the face. "Where am I, Mom?"

      "You're in limbo."

      "I'm in what?"

      "Limbo: the place between life on Earth and the afterlife."

      "I-I'm... dead?"

      "No sweetie. You can be dead if that's what you really wanted, or you can live if that's what you want."

      "Wait. You're saying I have a choice between if I continue to live or if I die."

      "Yes."

      "Does everyone have that choice?"

      "No. Only people that commit suicide are given the choice to go back."

      "Oh..."

      "Before you make a decision, let's go for a ride." She ushered to the two pearly white horses.

      I hoisted myself up. I grabbed the reigns, and my mom and I began to walk around the field.

      "So Ann, why did you decide to commit suicide?"

      I bit my lip. "Now that I think about it, it's kind of selfish."

      "How?"

      I explained to her how father had become abusive to me, how I met Dan, and what had happened with Dan.

      "I see. From what I've heard, Dan's a quite special guy."

      "I know, and that's why he deserves someone that isn't me."

      "Why do you think that?"

      "He's kind, sweet, compassionate, and all the other things that make up a perfect guy. What can I do to repay him for being so amazing? All I am is an abused, broke, and ugly girl. I'll just drag him down, and he deserves someone that will bring happiness to his life."

      "And you feel like you can't bring him happiness."

       "Yes."

      "It's not my place to say his situation, but you have brought happiness to his life."

      "Yeah right."

     "Ann, he's by your beside at the hospital right now. He obviously cares very deeply for you, or he wouldn't be there."

      "How do you know that?"

      "It's one of the perks of being a guardian angel. You know these things."

      "Wait, you're a guardian angel?"

      "Yes."

      "Whose guardian angel are you?"

      "I haven't been assigned to anyone, but let's focus on you right now."

      I brushed my hair out of my face. "What do you think I should do?"

      She thought for a second and said, "It's entirely up to you. If you choose to die, you'll get to stay with me in the after life. You'll be free of your abusive father. You'll never have to experience any pain ever again, but you'll leave Dan and may not ever see him again."

      I looked out to the infinite field of grass and flowers. Could I really loose Dan forever?

      "What happens if I decide to go back?"

      "Your current situation will not change, but you will have to deal with the consequences of trying to commit suicide. And I'm not just talking about the physical consequences."

      "But I'll have Dan?"

      "Yes."

      "When do I have to make my decision?"

      "Soon but not immediately, so we can continue to talk until I need you to give me an answer."

      "If I go back and die a natural death, can I still come stay with you in the afterlife?"

      "Yes."

      "That's exactly what I needed to hear."

      My mom and I talked for what seemed like forever. I told her about what I would do if I decided to go back to life, and she said do it if that's what I think is best. Then, the time came for me to give her a final answer.

      "What is your decision, Ann?"

      "...I want to go back to life."

      "Good choice."

      "Before I go, can I have one last hug?"

      "Of course." We both got off of the horses and embraced each other. She stroked my hair.

      "Ann, I know you will do what's best, but it might not be easy. I love you."

      "I love you too."

      As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt myself being drawn back into reality.