Winfred

Epilogue

untröstlich-heartbroken

Two Years Later- 1946

Liebling-

It was never my plan to see you again. As much as it pains me to admit that, I cannot deny the facts, and the facts are that we are at war and I am an officer of the losing side. So many obstacles, in fact, exist to separate us that our situation seems insurmountable.

The car slowly braked to a stop. The man beside me turned the key, silencing the rumble of the motor. His jaw was set, and he looked straight ahead. This place held memories. Eventually, he shook his head, and turned to me, his gaze holding a question. Are you ready? I nodded, and he opened the driver's side door and exited the vehicle. I sat, frozen, unable to move now that it came time to, and waited until he opened my door and offered me his hand. I took it, gripping it as if doing so might transfer some of his strength to me. I got shakily to my feet.

It was never my intention to fall in love with you...with anyone, in fact. Mine is a dangerous job, with danger around every corner. It is a balancing act. I have the scars to prove what happens when the delicate balance between what I do and what they want is upset.

We walked down the dirt path. The breeze blew gently, as if the entire world were letting out a sigh that it had been holding up to this point. Above us, the clouds from earlier parted, and the sunlight bathed us with spring warmth. Somehow, I still felt chilled, as if the cold of winter were trying to tighten its hold on me, desperate to remain. He put his arm around me, giving my shoulder a squeeze. Grateful, I stood slightly taller and continued on up the path, my arm around him now, holding on, as if for dear life, afraid of what I'd find when we reached our destination.

There is no doubt that I have upset the balance by too much, so that there is no hope of righting it in time to avoid the consequences. I know that you hold on to the hope that we will see one another again. I have not the heart to tell you the truth; that there is no hope, that my fate is sealed as of now, only hours after your departure.

In my left hand, I clenched the leash tighter. Schubert's ears perked and he strained at his leash slightly, as if he knew what we were approaching. Behind us, the former hotel stood, cold and silent now that it remained unoccupied. And yet I almost felt that I could hear the voices...

I struggle with what to say, knowing that this will be the last chance I have to impart to you how much I have loved you. Even now, knowing what it has cost me, I do not regret one moment or one choice that I have made if it has led me to you.

Pirot, wishing me goodbye... "I will never forget you..."

I cannot bear the fact that I write this now with no knowledge of whether or not you have made it safely back across the channel. I can only hope that my prayers have been answered somehow and you are safe, and home. My dearest, beautiful Kathleen. I must believe you are safe now, for it is the one thing that comforts me.

Virginia... "Stay brave darling."

You have made me the happiest I have ever been, even in the short time that I had the pleasure of knowing you. You are my greatest gift.

Matthew...whispering jokes in my ear, grinning even as he bent over his shovel for work duty.

It has been my greatest privilege to be loved by you, though what I have done to deserve it is far beyond me. But there's the thing, I suppose; love is not about what one deserves, or it would not be love. Love is the mutual realization that one imperfect human being can come to care for another imperfect human being. You wake up one day to find that you have been blessed with just a bit of the light that it is in the world, even though it is imperfect and sometimes flawed, though no less beautiful. It is coming to care for someone more than you care for yourself, and finding that you hold their happiness above all else.