Winfred

100

Official Report

British Intelligence

Code: 3986                                                                                                                                    

Kathleen Winfred

“Ilsa…” said Freidrich, clearing his throat, his voice sounding strained when he spoke.

I glanced from him to the officer. My first thought was that they had come to take Freidrich away for more punishment.

Or worse…for good.

I was immediately imagining all the worst scenarios.

My mind quickly went to trying to think of ways that I might stop this from occurring.

However, Freidrich’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Ilsa,” he said. “This is Hauptsturmfuhrer Christof Hoeffner. He’s come to give you something.”

He must have noted my look of surprise, so he immediately made an effort to make me at ease. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Christof is a friend of mine. I’ve known him for a long time.”

He stood, making his way to my side. Christof stood off to the side, looking at the ground.

Freidrich took my hand and gave it a small squeeze. “It will be fine,” he said. He hesitated, observing the worried look on my face. “I was going to go do morning inspections while Christof spoke to you, but after hearing what he’s come to tell you…” Freidrich looked worried. “I think I should stay…”

“No,” I said. “It’s fine, Freidrich. Really, it is. Go do what you need to.”

“Are you sure?” he said. “The news he brings is upsetting…”

“I’ll be alright,” I said, although I felt entirely unstable on the inside.

Finally, he nodded. “Alright,” he said. He gave me a sad smile and left, closing the door behind him.

Christof cleared his throat, shifting from one foot to the other somewhat awkwardly.

“As Freidrich told you, I am his friend. We’ve been friends since the two of us first entered military training. We share the same views. I’m just…not as brave as him at acting on them, so I come under a bit less scrutiny.” He cleared his throat. “I am an officer at the concentration camp, Auschwitz-Birkenau.”

That was my first clue.

Virginia.

“You…you may want to sit down.”

I found my way to Freidrich’s desk chair and sat down. Hard. I felt my heartbeat increase even more, and my breaths quicken.

“I…I don’t know how to tell you this,” he said.

I was silent, avoiding his eyes.

He sighed. “I became quite fond of your friend. She was very entertaining. When Freidrich approached me about helping to set it up so that she might write to you, I was quite willing to oblige. She was always cheerful, even in the worst…”

Was. Was. Was. Stop using the past tense, Hoeffner. Stop it. Stop it right now.

I was beginning to wish that I had told Freidrich to stay. I was beginning to wish I had had some inkling of what news this newcomer was bringing. I was beginning to wish that I had never woke up that morning, and that it could be eternally yesterday, when everything was right.

“I…I came to give you this.” He held out an envelope, clean and white. I took it, in my trembling hands. The front bore my name, in Virginia’s handwriting. Perhaps she had only been transferred to another camp. Perhaps she was just fine.

“And these…” he said, taking a small leather case from the floor at his feet and laying it upon the desk, where he opened it.

He held out to me a lone necklace, something I recognized as Virginia’s. It was something she had managed to hide throughout her time in prison. The other was a metal tag, with her name, and a number. Lastly, there were more envelopes, tied in a bundle with a ragged piece of red string. All the letters I sent to her. Two from Jessica. Freidrich and Pirot must have let her write to Virginia.

I knew what was coming, but the words still hit me, knocking me down within, sending a shock of pain through me.

“I’m sorry, Ilsa,” said Christof. And he really sounded as though he was. “Virginia was sent to be executed three days ago. I wish I could have done something. I tried, even though…I normally wouldn’t, as usually I'm a bit of a coward. But she’s…gone.”

So this was grief. It was horrible. It was like a tidal wave, pulling me under and drowning me. I felt as though I could not breathe. I felt as though there was nothing to save me, nothing to keep me from going under.

This type of pain was something new to me. I had never had anyone close to me die. I felt lost.

Christof hung his head. “I’ll…I’ll give you some time alone,” he said, giving me a small nod before putting on his cap and stepping out the door.

As soon as he opened the door and left, Freidrich reentered, the door falling closed behind him.

At this point, I was only glad to see him. I didn’t even care that he had not listened to me and had obviously stayed right outside the door the entire time.

I stood, immediately, and went into his open arms, the tears coming fast and strong. I buried my face in Freidrich’s shirt.

“Why?” I said. “Why! Why did I have to be right! Why couldn’t things just have stayed the way they were?”

“Shhh…” he said, soothing me, smoothing my short hair with one hand, and holding me close with the other. “I’m sorry,” he said, quietly. “I’m so sorry, Kathleen.”

I was angry. Virginia shouldn't have died.

"I hate Nazis!" I said. "I hate Germans!" I immediately regretted my words. "Not you, Freidrich. Never you. I'm...sorry..."

"I know, " he said. "It's alright."

He sat down in the armchair behind his desk, and I sat down on his lap, not removing my face from his shirt.

Though I was quickly soaking his uniform jacket, he did not complain; he only continued to rub my back, and smooth my hair, comforting me without words. He held me, and that was enough.

Finally, I had no more tears, and I was left hiccoughing and sniffling, somewhat pitifully.

Now, I only felt tired. It was that feeling of having cried so much, and having so much sadness, that all your energy had been transferred to your grief.

I rested my cheek against Freidrich’s chest, and closed my eyes.

Before I knew what had happened, I had fallen asleep.

I awakened some time later, my eyes feeling sticky and heavy from a combination of my earlier tears and the sleep I had just had.

Freidrich, in an action that was incredibly patient and enduring on his part, had remained where he was, allowing me to sleep without complaint. Eventually, he must also have fallen asleep, leaning back in the chair, one arm resting on the chair’s armrest, and one protectively around me.

I lay back down against him and closed my eyes again, not yet ready to face the world, or the envelope that I had decided, amidst my tears, must hold Virginia’s last words…the last words she would ever write to me.

Freidrich stirred slightly, shifting somewhat and sighing in his sleep. I took hold of his free hand, and held it tightly, concentrating on the fact that I had him, a fact that made me a little stronger.

***

Well...:'(