50 shades darker

21

Niall was standing by the pool with only swim trunks on. He had put on suntan lotion just to protect the scars, he wanted to do this. He swallowed over his own uncertainty and he felt with his foot against the water. Yeah, he saw his own thighs. The scars that would never go away. He swallowed. He was still not healed. He had wounds that no one saw, and he had scars deep inside the soul which would never be whole again. Still, he wanted to fight and he wanted to return to something normal, but how could he do that? Niall wasn't normal. He couldn't play with Harry, he couldn't go out with light clothes and show up his skin. He almost couldn't even see himself naked and just as little to have a normal sex. But he struggled, yes, he really struggled.

He sat down on the edge and took down his legs in the water. He looked out over the trees to avoid seeing his own thighs. He felt a lump in his stomach. Harry hadn't told Niall the whole truth and Niall read him like an open book. Ever since that day, at the psychologist, it was as if Harry hadn't told everything. He went around and was quiet. Niall guessed why. Everything was about the room, which was now hidden behind a wall. Niall frowned. Why didn't Harry understand that they could never go back to what had once been? Niall was no longer the same person, and even Harry was changed. He looked down into the water and he swallowed again. In this water they had done many things and Niall wished he could feel as free as back then, again.

Niall slowly slid into the water and he enjoyed. He needed to moisten the skin many times during the day and the doctor had said it would be good if he swam a little more often. Niall swam across to pool to the other side. He put his arms on the edge of the pool and the chin against them, and he looked out over the backyard. He tried to enjoy, but it was difficult. It was as if he was constantly aware and he should let go of that feeling.

"How nice to see you try .."

Niall turned his head and he immediately saw Harry. He stood on the other side of the pool, and he smiled at Niall.

"Yes, the doctor said that this was good for the skin."

Harry nodded a little bit and he sat down on one of the sun loungers. He looked at Niall with love. There were many times that Niall wondered how he could still love him. Niall was a freak.

"Don't you wanna swim?"

Harry shook his head.

"No, I'd rather look at when you move around in the water. You need some freedom." he said jokingly. "And I like to see you like this, almost naked."

Niall blushed a little.

"This isn't much to look at."

Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Well, Niall. You are the only one I want to see, look at right now and forever."

Niall swallowed. The feeling of uncertainty came back. He turned his head and looked over the trees again. He put his chin on his arms and he had his back against Harry.

"I am ugly."

He heard Harry growled a little bit.

"No, you are so beautiful as a person can be. Don't you understand that I still see the man I love?"

Niall swallowed. Well, Harry had been careful to talk about it, again and again, but Niall didn't listen to him, Harry could just as well have been talking about the sun.

----

Niall stood naked in front of Harry. The dried his skin, and then Harry started to smear him with the ointment. Niall swallowed and he watched Harry's wonderful hands glided over the nasty ugly skin. First the arms and then the chest. Yes, that breastplate was gone. Now there were only a few hairs here and there. It was ugly, it wasn't even sexy. Still, Harry seemed to see something different. Hands slid down Nialls stomach, his sides and down his thighs. Niall looked down and he saw how carefully Harry got all the skin to regain smoothness, despite the scars.

Niall wasn't prepared. Harry took his hands around Nialls waist and then he sucked in all the slack portion between Nialls legs, inside his mouth. Niall gasped and he quickly took down his hands around Harry's head.

"No!"

Harry groaned. He sucked, he used his tongue and he buried his nose in Nialls pubic hair. Niall tried to remove him, but after a few seconds he stood and quivered, and he closed his eyes. Harry slowly began to let the head slide back and forth. Niall bit his lip and he forgot about time and space. He moaned and he felt Harry let a hand to fondle testicles balls. Slowly, methodically, and it was nice.

-

Niall stood on all fours and behind him moved Harry fast and hard. Straight in and straight to the sensitive points deep inside Niall. Niall whimpered. He closed his eyes, and he felt his whole body loved it, loved all this. He heard Harry repeatedly slammed straight with the body against Nialls butt. It was as if the fog landed around them and they made loved, yes, this wasn't sex, it was Harry who wanted to tell Niall about how much he loved Niall and was missing him.

Niall put down his cheek on the ground and he let his left hand, grab hold of his own hard part. He brought it quickly back and forth. He felt Harry's hands held him in place and Harry groaned loudly. He was desperate for that feeling, that orgasm. He had total control over Niall and he knew it.

"I'm coming." Niall muttered hoarsely. Harry only groaned in response. Niall opened his mouth, and he felt his hand quickly got him to get there. He came and he gasped straight out. He shook and Harry continued. He took no account of anything, as the old Harry. When he arrived, it was as if he had lost his mind. Straight inside, hard inside and he screamed.

-

Harry lay on the ground, and he was close to Niall. They lay naked together, and they hugged each other. Niall had his head against Harry's neck, and he was panting, from what had happened. Harry pulled him up over himself. He wanted to feel the whole Niall, that wonderful man he loved.

"You have to stop looking down on yourself."

Harry's words got Niall to frown.

"I know what I see and I see a freak."

Harry shook his head and he kissed his hair.

"Niall, I see you." he whispered hoarsely. "Don't you understand that I miss you more than you can imagine and I don't want you to look down on yourself. You can look down on me and you can really hate Ed, but not yourself."