The List || h.s au

Unwanted realisation and promises

The sunshine pierces through my eyelids and I blink, slowly waking up. I yawn and roll on my side, expecting to hit Harry's hard chest, but my eyes open to complete emptiness. I tap the bed on the place where he's supposed to be sleeping on, feeling the warmth of his body on the sheets and his smell hits my nostrils.

I lift myself up on one elbow, now completely awake. I look everywhere, trying to see if he's hidden somewhere in my room. He is nowhere in sight and I'm starting to freak out. He couldn't leave me like that, not after what happened yesterday. I fucking told him that I liked him!

"Fucking bastard." I yell, hitting the bed with my hand. I angrily move the covers and leave my bed. His clothes aren't on the floor and mine are perfectly folded on my desk chair. Frustrated, I look for a large shirt to wear over my naked body and as soon as I'm covered, I leave my room.

I first go in the living room, maybe he was watching the telly or something. After a quick glance, I see nothing. I curse and go over to the kitchen, finding it empty as well. 

"No, please no!" I run a hand through my hair, my heart beating faster and my legs shaking at the realization that he fucking used me. He never liked or care about me, all he wanted was sex. How could've I been so stupid? To let myself have feelings for a guy a barely knew. Kim, c'mon!

I run back in my room, closing the door as hard as I can. I take the first object in sight, which is a small cat in porcelain and throw it on the wall, yelling, breaking it into thousands of pieces.

How could he do that to me?! I was his first friend and he'd be nothing without me!  I'm the reason why he wasn't afraid to come to college. I'm the reason why my friends accepted him quickly. I'm the freaking damn reason why he is part of the football team now! All of this was just a fucking plan to get in my pants and be popular or some shit. I fucking knew it! I shouldn't have let myself be so naive, that's why I never let a guy enter my life like this. I thought I got wiser, but I'm as stupid and immature as before, if not worse. 

And what about Amanda? She's the one that told me Harry was a nice guy and I believed her! This is all her fault too, damn it. I'm sure they plotted this together just to ruin me, maybe Louis and Carla were part of the plan too. Now I get it, they want to destroy my reputation and take my place, they want to get rid of me. 

Well fuck no, it's not going to happen. I know what they are trying to do and I'm not going to let them win this war. They better fucking watch out because I'm going to make sure every damn person I know is going to hate them. They're the ones that are going to be ruined. 

I have to get out of here. I can't stand living under the same roof as her. I rush over to my closet and take out my suitcase, shoving as much clothes as possible inside. I'm going to stay at Luke's. I don't want to bother Liam with my problems  and Lucas is basically like my brother. 

Talking of Liam, I haven't seen or talked to him lately. I have to call him to catch up on his situation after I get to Lucas' home. If I'm going to lose that much people, I better keep the ones that still care on my side.

"He is so dead." I grumble to myself as I zip my suitcase. I stand up and look for a bra and panties to wear, plus some sweatpants. When I'm fully clothed, I take my suitcase and purse and leave my room. Just before I leave my flat, I realize I didn't take my contraception pills. I drop my bags and run over to the kitchen, taking the small bottle of medicine and dropping one in my hand. I fill a glass with water and gulp the pill then leave the glass half empty in the sink. I keep the bottle with me and take my things, closing the door behind me.

I'm lucky she's still sleeping or not in the flat, because the sounds I kept doing out of anger must have woken up the whole floor. I basically run down the hallway and press angrily on the button of the elevator. I feel like it's taking a billion years to stop at my floor and impatiently tap my foot on the blue carpet.