The List || h.s au

not so chapter 5

Dedicated to: sharontapiaxD for guess what is going to happen later in the book, based on a hint I left in the last chapter! Congrats haha :)

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Two weeks.

Harry and I have been something, I don't know what to call it yet for two weeks. No one knew about it, except us. It was strange for me to have someone, the same boy, wake up next to me in the morning. I'm starting to get used to it, but it's sure was weird at the beginning, you know, I'm so used to always kick them out or have a different boy every time, that waking up to the same gorgeous green eyes every morning was still a bit shocking for me.

I'm surprising myself. I never thought I would be able to appreciate a guy that way. But the fact that he feels the same, makes it easier I guess? I don't know, I'm still not used to it like I said. I don't know what to do, like, do we have to act all lovely and stuff and snog in front of everyone or some shit? I don't know.

I'm going to be honest with you, I've never had a boyfriend. Surprisingly, back in high school, I wasn't popular neither. I used to be the unknown girl, no one talked about, no one knew about and that always sat back in the corner of each classes. Carla and Liam were my only friends since, even though my parents had plenty of money, I was going to a public high-school and Lucas wasn't, and he couldn't be there to help my reputation...

Liam used to go to a high-school in Wolverhampton, but moved in London because his dad's factory transplanted here and he had to change school. He was one year older than me but we were both part of the reading club and that's how we met. Carla didn't like reading that much and she was part of the drama club, which was also the worst choice you could do if you wanted a reputation. Then, when Liam left for college we were on our own. Again.

So that's why we tried to change when we started college, we both didn't want to be just the kind of girl that was invisible, we wanted to be loved, she wanted to be praised. Now that I think about it, she basically wanted to be God. And if it wasn't for my friendship with Lucas, who was the most popular student in London University and still is, we wouldn't be here. I brought Liam in our group and he was well accepted because Luke knew about him, plus he was my friend. He was already dating Maria back then so he just brought her with him. That's kind of how our group started.

I never thought it would go downhill like it did. Well, it didn't really end up that bad I guess, I have a 'boyfriend' or whatever Harry could be called in our weird relationship, it's my friendship with Carla that went crashing down. After all, it was her idea to create the Karls' List and in my immature delirium, I agreed.

The only one that noticed our change in attitude was Liam, since he knew how we really were back in high-school. I told him that Lucas was the reason why we were suddenly popular, which wasn't completely false, and he understood. It was the same reason why he got  his new high reputation anyway.

The scariest part was when we she said we had to have sex with strangers. I was still a virgin and having sex with someone freaked the shit out of me. I wasn't religious or anything, I just never did it and going to parties was already something really new and frightening for me, so sex was like completely another world to me. Where you never go.

I had to do it at some point. Carla told me her first time and, I quote how "good and extremely incredible the guy was with his tongue" and just felt so jealous about it. I guess I didn't like her to have the upper hand, while most of the job was done by me. 

She got the idea, I had the people and attitude. Not the slutty one, but the confident one. Except when we talked about sex.

So my first time was...hurtful?I didn't know the guy, which makes it worse, and he thought I wasn't a virgin and he was so drunk, he didn't ask me if I was ok with it before..erhm..taking my V card.

It hurt.

A lot.

When I screamed, he thought it was an orgasm and just kept thrusting.

Ok, the way I describe it makes it look quite horrible, the pain sting me like a freaking damn hurricane of bees down there, but it went away after a few thrusts.

At some point he realized there was blood on the sheets, he freaked out and just stopped and left. Some girls would have cried after that, but not me. I just burst into hysterical laughs because of how hilarious his face was when he realized what he did. It still makes me giggle when I think about it now.

But that was my first time. I've slept with many other lads since then and my 'fear' of sex went away, and it became a way to "relax".

With Harry it's different. We've done it at least three times since the first one and it always feels different than with other guys. It's not just pleasure, there's feelings in it also.

That's what makes everything so special and weird. Long thinking to end up to that.

And, because Carla and I are still not talking to each other, and I don't want her to know about Harry and I, he has to wake up at five in the damn morning, waking me up as well, to get out of my room. We always sleep together, not in a sexual way, just sleeping. Sometimes it's at his flat, sometimes at mine. The fact that Carla has a different schedule than ours makes it more easier and we can see each other more often without her knowing.

Why are we hiding? I'm not scared of her, not at all. It's just that if she's hiding whatever relationship she has with Louis and never talked about it with me, why should I? Harry and I agreed to keep us a secret for a little more time until we, well I,  get used to it. I know it annoys him that he can't kiss  me or take my hand, but I just feel uncomfortable to do that in front of everyone.

Plus, I've always had the reputation to be the most inaccessible, hard to get, girl in the whole campus. So many boys have tried to go on dates with me, but it never worked. So I don't want them to get jealous over the fact that Harry got me easier than they did and start bullying him or whatever.

Talking about dates, we've never been to one so we aren't really dating. We just like each other and enjoy the company the other one brings us...and the good sex.

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Ok this was basically a filler chapter, there isn't actions, it's just thoughts. We know more about her and how she became who she is now, which I think is really important if you want to know what kind of person Kim  is.

I'll update a "real" chapter later tonight, don't worry, it's just that I have quite a lot to do (fucking block exams ugh) so I can't update as much as usual. Plus, next week, I basically have exams each day so it'll be harder for me to write...

BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP THE STORY, you just have to be a little more patient guys and I can tell you, sometimes it frustrates me when I can't write a new chapter because I feel like I'm letting you guys down.

So please, remember that I'll keep writting this story because I love it very very very much, as much as I love you, and please don't stop supporting, voting and commenting, it means a lot to me :)

Finally, if you actually read that author's note, I want to say a big thank you to you, amazing readers and Mucho LOVE,

Pumpkin :) xx