The List || h.s au

It isn't good news

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I bite my bottom lip and stare in front of me, trying to avoid Amanda's probably judging eyes. The cashier finally gives me my card and bag and I take them, glancing at Amanda to see her pay for her stuff, a frown clenching her usually plain face.

So my plan failed, miserably. She probably thinks I'm a stupid whore who forgot to use a condom after sex, which is true apart from the whore part. I'm seeing someone after all.

But that someone would not want to see me anymore if I actually end up pregnant with the kid of his coach and will probably leave me, which I don't want to happen. 

She's probably going to ask questions, which I'm not ready yet to answer, but I'll have to anyway because if the results are positive, she'll be the first one to know since she'll be with me.

Right now, I'm about to vomit my heart out because of how nervous and stressed this situation is getting me. I still don't know what I'll do with the baby, I didn't even want to have one before I'd be at least thirty years old! 

I don't even want to think about abortions or any shit like that, my only preoccupation of the moment is: are the tests going to be positive or not?

Please Jesus, God, Allah, Buddha and all the spirits or whatever, please make them negative!

We leave the drug store and quickly, and silently, walk over to her car. She opens it and we both step in, I hide the bag under my legs and bite my tongue, avoiding any eye contact or possible conversation with her. After two minutes, I notice she still hasn't started the engine and I glance at her from the corner of my eye. She's turned towards me, arms crossed and waiting for me to look at her.

I stay still, patiently waiting for her to give up, but she doesn't. We stay like this for probably five minutes before she finally decides to speak.

"Kim." Her stern tone surprises me, but I stubbornly keep my eyes on the view in front of me, a garbage can outside. Every second we spend here only makes me more impatient to get to my flat and do the tests.

"Kim, stop being immature and turn around." She orders and I sigh, slowly turning my head to look at her. One of her eyebrows is raised and I can read the confusion mixed with what I think is disappointment in her eyes.

"Your personal sexual life isn't my busyness but I have to ask you one question." She starts, her eyes not leaving mine. I nod, unsure of what to think. The fact that she won't ask personal questions relaxes me but I still  don't know what she's about to say. What if she knows I'm with Harry? I can't tell her that it's not his, she'll be so disappointed and will probably think I cheated on him or some shit. I'll have to end telling her the whole thing, and I don't want that to happen.

"Do you know who the father is?" She finally asks and a lump forms in my throat.

"I-I guess.." She suddenly relaxes her features and a sympathetic look appears on her face. She places her hand on mine and give it a small squeeze.

"You know, whatever happens, I'll be with you okay? Don't worry, I won't judge or anything and I'll even babysit him or her if you want, or if you end up pregnant." Her kind words suddenly take off a huge burden from my shoulders and I found myself smiling, pulling her in for a tight hug.

"Thank you Amanda, thank you for being here for m-me" My voice cracks and I quietly sob on her shoulder. She rubs my back slowly, whispering "it's okay" in my ear and holds me even tighter.