The List || h.s au

First time

**WARNING**

Contains language and mature content

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**WARNING**

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I think it is the first time I'm actually scared to have sex with someone. Not exactly scared, more like terrified. It's like my first time all over again. Even though I tried really hard to forget about it, it keeps coming back flashing in my mind, reminding me why I never have sex with a guy I like.

I still don't know what we are. Even I don't know what I want as a relationship... I just want him. Him in general, not just sex. We're not even dating, maybe we should start it slow before immediately jump to the fun part? But, it's a bit too late now that I'm in his car, on our way to my flat.

"You're not as touchy as the last time" He says with a playful tone and I smirk, remembering how awfully drunk I was that night. Thank god, I'm just a little tipsy tonight, at least I'll be in control of whatever happens.

"Isn't it weird?"

"What?" he asks and stops at a red light.

"To be so silent and calm when minutes ago, we were both so turned on. Plus, we clearly know what's going to happen as soon as we arrive at my flat." He smiles and runs a hand through his hair.The lights turn to green and he accelerates, turning left to drive on our street.

"I think...it makes what's going to happen more exciting. Plus, being calm is better for my driving than being sexually frustrated." He chuckles and I roll my eyes, laying my head on the car window.

"Do...Do you really think we should do it now?" I bite on the inside of my cheek and glance at him to see a frown on his face.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel like we're going too fast..I don't know.. I really want to, but at the same time if we want to make us happen, maybe we should take it slower?" I stare in front of me, not daring to look at him. I must sound so stupid, I don't even understand myself. I feel a warmth on my thigh and glance at it to see his large hand reposing on my leg.

"We're not obligated to do it now Kim. I'll be ready when you are" I finally turn around to look at him. He is still smiling, and to see him so kind and caring with me just makes everything harder. One time he looks like a freaking angel that I just want to cuddle with and talk, and then he can turn into a damn sex god that I want to ride all night long.

D i f f i c u l t.

But I really like both of his sides, I just don't know which one I prefer the most at the moment.

He finally pulls into the parking lot and opens the door for me like a gentleman. He takes my hand in his and intertwines our fingers, pulling me closer to him. I slightly blush at his action, which doesn't happen often and only confirms that I, in fact, have feelings for him. We walk inside the lobby and wait for the elevators to stop at our level. It's not even stopped yet, but I can hear the loud voices of the people inside, basically screaming.

"Who the fuck yells in an elevator?" Harry laughs and I shrug. We hear the ding of the elevator and the doors slowly open. 

Suddenly, I recognize the voice as Carla's and I freeze. My first reflex is to pull my hand away from Harry's and shove it inside my pocket. 

"Wha-" 

"KIM!" Carla yells, cutting off Harry, as she notices my presence. Not to my surprise, Louis gets out of the elevator too and hugs his friend.