Extraordinary (adopted by Taylor swift)

19) You're not dead

Taylor's pov

Today is the first rehearsal for the play and Summer is having a bad afternoon. She won't get off of the floor and I honestly just don't even know what to do anymore. I've tried pulling her up but she won't budge.

"Sweetheart, why won't you get up?"

"Because I'm dead." She said.

"Summer, you're not dead."

"Yes I am. And I'm going to lie here and stay dead for a while, so stop talking."

"But if you're gone, mommy is going to be very sad."

"Then I'm not dead yet. But when I do die, don't be too sad."

"What makes you think you're not going to outlive me?"

"I heard you and the doctor talking yesterday, you said I was dangerous. If I kill myself, I can't hurt anyone." This isn't right. A four year old should never have suicidal thoughts. "I was practicing."

"Summer, you're not dangerous, and you won't be dying any time soon. Just remember that I will always, always, always be here for you. Remember that mommy loves you." She smiled.

"Will I ever be like you, mommy? I mean, you're perfect, you're the nicest person I've ever known and you're not crazy like I am."

"For the thousandth time—"

"I'm not crazy, I know, I know. But I'm not you either."

"You're right, you're not me. But you are you, and to me that's extra special."

"But I have to take medicine and I have panic attacks. Doesn't that make you not love me?"

"Summer Marie Swift, I will always love you no matter what."

"Forever?" I got on the floor and lifted her to her feet.

"Forever and always."

"I don't think I want to be dead anymore."

"Good, now are you ready for rehearsals?" I asked, kissing her forehead. She nodded. I let her choose her outfit, she put on a pair of black skirt and a pink shirt. We went downstairs and I packed Summer's snack before we left. I decided that I would come back and take blue for a walk after I dropped her off. I opened the door and she skipped out to the car.

"Mommy, can I dye my hair blue?" She asked me while we were driving.

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Relax, it's not like I asked you if I could get a nose piercing, although that would be cool, can I get a nose piercing?"

"Absolutely not."

"Fine, I want to get my hair dyed because Sahara got hers dyed pink and it looked cool."

"I don't understand why you keep deciding to do strange things to your hair."

"Cutting it wasn't strange. besides, Jenny almost let me get a face tattoo so compared to that, a few piercings here and there and some blue highlights is nothing." She said, Jenny babysat Summer once. Let's just say that that was the last time I hired a babysitter that I hadn't gotten to know.

"When you're older maybe you can dye your hair and get your ears pierced, but I don't want to see any facial tattoos or any other piercings besides the ones in your ears, got it?"

"I hear ya loud and clear." She stated, giving me two thumbs up. I laughed and parked the car. I got out and opened her door. She grabbed my hand and jumped out. "What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm weird?"

"Baby, you got the lead role, they must love you." She looks up at me with an unsure expression. "Don't worry about it." I said, running my fingers through her short blonde hair. She gave me a weak smile. We walked into the drama school and I stopped at the door.

"Ok kiddo, this is your stop, I'll watch you from out here for a second, is that alright?" She nodded quickly. I smiled and gave her a hug before opening the glass door to the rehearsal room and letting her walk in. I think summer was the youngest of the cast. The person who played Annie was supposed to be at least seven years old but they had made an acceptation because they liked her audition so much. Inside the room there was a circle of chairs. Summer sat in between two girls that looked around nine or ten. When the director of the play came out and started talking to the kids I decided to leave.
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While I was walking blue in the park, I thought about what Summer said this morning. Her doctor and I had a conversation about if her behavior became dangerous and what we would do if it did. It was really hard to talk about sending my daughter to a mental hospital but I didn't think it would happen so I tried not to think about it much after that. I told Summer to wait in the lobby but she must have stayed and listened. I wanted to just forget about all of the things that have happened this month. I've been so caught up in everything that I forgot that Summer's birthday is in three days. I wanted her first birthday with me to be a special one. I wanted everything to be perfect, unlike everything else. So I guess I need to start planning now.
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Thanks for reading! Here's a little story (kinda gross) The other day I closed my finger in a car door and now the cut is healed but the blood went under my nail so now my finger nail is a weird blue color. It doesn't really hurt but I'm in Vegas now and I feel like people are staring at it. Anyways, hope you liked this chapter, bye (: