Letting Go (Niall Horan AU)

Chapter 11

Niall
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"Shit." I mutter under my breath as Harry's cheeks grow increasingly warmer as well as mine.

"I'm sorry- I just- uh-"
Harry stutters.

"Get the fuck out of my room." I say calmly. I want to punch him in his fucking face.

"Okay." He closes the door quickly and I hear his footsteps make their way down the hall quickly.

"That wasn't nice." October says.

"I'm not a nice person." I reply.
Why hasn't she gotten that yet?

She shrugs. What is that supposed to mean?

"I can't believe he walked in here." I grumble.

"Could've been worse." She shrugs again seeming like she doesn't care anymore.

"What do you mean?" I ask angrily.

"I mean he just saw us making out no big deal."

"No big deal? What If he tells someone?" I ask. God then it hits me. He will. He could tell everyone I was with the new girl. The little goodie American girl. Oh god.

"So what?"

That's when I lose my cool.

"So what? Are you serious? That could ruin my whole image. People wouldn't take me seriously! That would ruin everything." I growl getting louder and louder.

"Your image? Seriously Niall? Oh I'm sorry I didn't know your title as the bad boy man whore was so precious to you."

"Man whore?" I snarl. "Is that what you think of me? Hmm? The man slut of the campus? Ya well at least people wanna fuck me. At least I'm not some stupid fucking nobody."

She looks up at me tears in her eyes and her lip trembling. I immediately wanna take the words back.

"I di-" she cuts me off before i can finish.

"You're right. I guess I'll just go then. Don't wanna ruin your image do I?" She spits holding back her tears. She pushed past me harshly and slams my door in my face.

I am such a fuck up. She's right. Why should I care what people think of me?



October
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He's right. I am a stupid nobody. I rush down the stairs and out the door. When I make it outside I realize it's dark out and I didn't drive myself here. Shit.

Just then Harry walks out of the house.

"Hey." He smiles shyly, obviously still embarrassed he walked in on me and niall.

"Hey." I reply trying to wipe my tears.

"Need a ride?"

"Uh... Ya if it's not any trouble." I try to give him a smile and epically fail.

I close the door and lean my head against the window and pray the drive back to the dorms is quick.

"So you and Niall huh?" Of course he has to bring it up.

"Uhm... Could you not tell anyone about that?" I ask.

"Wasn't going to."

"Okay."

The rest of the drive is silent which I'm completely okay with.

When we arrive I start to get out but he stops me.

"Wait. Toby?"

I turn towards him.

"Ya?"

"You deserve better."

I look down not knowing how to respond.

"Please don't let him hurt you." He looks at me me with his big green eyes. I hold his gaze for a moment.

I give a fake smile.

"Trust me I don't think Ill even be near him again."

Harry then does something unexpected. He reaches over and brushes my tears away with his thumb.
Then he places a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Don't let the words get to you." He whispers.

"Okay." I respond my voice cracking. I then get out of the car and make my way though the dark to my dorm.



When I get there I grab my shower bag and make my way to the showers.

I hop in and immediately grab my blades after I undress and turn on the shower. The tears fall freely now as I make marks on my wrists and hips.

Stupid. One cut.

Nobody. Two cuts.

Ugly. Three cuts.

Useless. Four cuts.

Harry told me to not let the words get to me, but I can't help it. I can't pretend like they aren't true. Niall is right. Nobody would ever wanna fuck me. Nobody would let alone wanna be with me. Nobody.

My warm blood streams down my body. It's not as thick under the water and it makes a river down my arms and legs.

I dot the bleeding with my rag and wrap a towel around my naked body. Then I make my way back to my dorm and find Jenna already asleep. I put on my pajamas and readjust my braclets to cover my new cuts before I curl up in my blankets and let the tears fall yet again.