Letting Go (Niall Horan AU)

Chapter 19

Niall

....................

I watched as Harry and October drove away. It started to pour rain and I looked up into the sky. I couldn't hold it. I screamed.

"WHY?! WHY THE FUCK AM I SO STUPID?" I kicked to mail box and was satisfied I left it slightly bent.

I stomped inside. I don't wanna think about this. Not now.

I grab a bottle of vodka from the kitchen and march upstairs to my room.

I sing along to the loud music and chug the vodka letting the liquor burn my throat.

A few times my mind wonders to October, when it does I take a gulp and turn the music up louder focusing on the lyrics.

Too soon Harry walks into my room and turns off the music.

"What the fuck?!" I slur. And stand up.

"You fucked up Ni." Is all he says.

"No I didn't! She's just being a fucking baby." Somewhere deep down I know he's right. But I push that thought away.

"Niall. You fucked up big time mate." Is all he says, before he walks out slamming my door.

Harry

...................

I can't believe Niall. He always hurts people. He hurts people bad and he never owns up to it. He never apologizes, ever.

And I'm so sick of his shit. I've know how cruel he can be. The things he's done to me in the past year....

I shake my head to rid myself of the memories.

No. I'm not going to pity myself.

He doesn't deserve Toby. Toby doesn't deserve how he treats her. Why does he have to break everyone who ever cares about him?

October

...................

I sit in bed and let the tears stream down my face. He never really cared did he?

I was just another stupid play toy.

Fucking great.

I need to cut. I have to.

I practically jump into the shower with my blades with my clothes on. I pull up my sleeves and cut impossibly deep. Being that it's early to take a shower there's no one here so let my broken sobs echo through the room.

I fall to my knees and let the blood flow from me. I've never cut this deep before.

I pull off my pants and drag the blade across my hips. I move to my thighs. Something I've never done before and cut over and over.

Soon they're all over lapping and I'm light headed.

In numb to the pain. I just grab a towel and press it against myself to stop the never ending bleeding.

I peel off my soaking clothes and attempt to stop the bleeding.

Giving up I slip my sweater over my head and wrap myself in my towel running to my dorm without anyone noticing the bloody mess.

I quickly re dress is black clothing so the blood won't show and run to my car. I need bandages. Now.

I losing a lot if blood I can feel it. It's terrifying. I pull up into the nearest supermarket and park my car.

Am I dying? I could. If I just let myself. Do I want to? Yes.

No?

Maybe?

I stare down at my bloodied sleeves and pull over my thick coat. And run into the store. I buy some bandages and fix myself up in the car.

I'm not dying. No. I can't. I'm too scared. I'm too weak. Too afraid.

I deserve to suffer through life I don't get the easy way out. No. I deserve to hurt.

I get back to my dorm and dress is pajamas and settle in bed and notice Jenna asleep.

Soon the thoughts of Niall and Harry fade into darkness.