Letting Go (Niall Horan AU)

Chapter 33

Niall
..........

I make my way down stairs and as I pass the door to Harry's room I hear a sob. I keep walking towards the front door and just as I open it I close it again. I sigh and turn around heading back towards Harry's door.

I listen to the strangled cries for a moment before I knock.

"Harry let me in please." I say gently.

"It's unlocked." I hear a muffled voice reply.

I open the door and walk in to find Harry facing away from me sitting on his bed. I walk over and sit next to him. I have no idea what to say and I watch as a silent tear drips down his cheek to the floor.

"Harry, why'd you do it? You knew it'd hurt me." I say.

"I don't know. I-I just... It just happened." He says not meeting my eyes.

"I'm not too mad ya know. It's not as bad as the last time." I say trying to make it better, but by the way Harry cries harder I guess I didn't.

"Haz I'm-" I begin before Harry cuts me off.

"Don't call me that. You called me Haz when you loved me. Don't call me Haz unless you love me Ni." Harry's says his voice deep and raspy.

"Well that's not fair you just called me Ni."

"That's different. I still love you." Harry whispers the last part.

"Harry it's been two years." I say.

"That changes nothing."
He says sniffing. "That doesn't change how badly I hurt you."

"I think I'm finally over that ya know?"

"Really? Why?" He asks.

"Because the past is the past. And now all that's over and I have October." I say gently as possible not wanting to upset him further.

"Niall I just want to let you know, that I'm so very sorry for back then. I was stupid and I fucked up. You were the best thing to happen to me and I ruined it." Harry confesses.

"Ya, you did." I agree.

Harry, again, starts crying into his huge hands. The hands that used to hold with my own. The hands that used to hold me. The hands that were all over that other man that night two years ago.

"Haz." I say lifting his chin up with my finger so he'll look me in the eyes.
"I forgive you. It's okay." I say staring back into his deep forest green eyes. I remember all the days I would do this for hours as we talked and laughed together. I remember how much I loved him, and that I still do. I guess that's what Harry does to me. He makes me remember.

Before I know what Im doing our lips are pressed together for the first time in years. His mouth is familiar, and Harry seems to finally realize what's happening and he moves his lips against mine. I respond lost in the moment, remembering all the happy times I spent doing this. Harry pushes me back into his bed as he deepens the kiss. He slips his tongue inside my mouth and I allow it. This goes on for who knows how long before there's a buzz in my pants.

I pull away breathless and check my phone. It's a text from October asking what's taking me so long.

Shit.

I run my hands through my hair realizing what I just did. I cheated on October with Harry. I smack myself in the forehead.

"Fucking bastard!" I yell.

Harry shrinks away from me.
"Sorry." He mumbles, his eyes tearing up yet again.

"No not you, me!"
I look at Harry propped up on his head board his knees tucked up to his chin. His lips tremble and his eyes fill with tears.

"This is all my fault. I'm sorry Niall." He whispers.

I crawl over to him and wipe away the tears that have escaped.
"Haz look at me ya? This is both our faults. I shouldn't have kissed you when I love October." I says gently as I run my fingers through his hair trying to soothe him.

"B-but you love me also Ni."

"Ya, but it's a different kind of love Haz."

"What do you mean? Am I not good enough for you?" He asks.

"No, it's just different. I love you so much Harry you have to understand that, but it's nothing like I love October." I say holding his hand running my finger over his cross tatoo.

"Okay Ni. Does that mean we won't ever kiss again?"

"Probably not. I'm sorry, but I'm with October now. You'll find somebody Harry." I respond.

"But Niall, you were that somebody." He says looking up at me with tear-filled eyes.

I give him a small smile.
"I highly doubt that."

I then stand up and so does Harry. I lean forward and hug him as tight as possible. He burrows his head into my neck and I kiss his shoulder.

"This is just for closure." I clarify.

I feel him nod in response.

"This will be the last time we ever hug like this won't it?" Harry asks into my neck.

"Yes." I say.

He pulls me impossibly closer. And whispers goodbye to whatever love we had before. I pull myself away from him and walk out the door.

"Goodbye Haz." I say closing the door behind me, cutting off my connection from Harry and all my past once and for all.

When I make it to my car I cry. Hard. I sob into the steering wheel for a few minutes before pulling myself together and driving to October.

I not only just said goodbye to the man who broke me, but also to the first person I've ever loved. And I doubt I've ever done anything harder in my life. But I did it all for October and the new love I've found in her. I can only hope she loves me too.

Sorry wow I got a little sidetracked... Hah didn't plan for that to happen this chapter was supposed to be October and Nialls hanging out.... Haha oops anyways, vote please :) bye - Tris