DISASTROUS ( Jon Snow )

12

the language of the ocean /
such a sacred dream

-but only the moon talks back

__________

"I know for a fact that some of the officers go to that brothel in Mole's Town."

A small, humorous smile on his lips, Jon Snow looked up at Samwell Tarly. Sam was looking at the door two senior officers of the Night's Watch walked out of despairingly.

"I wouldn't doubt it," Jon agreed.

"Don't you think it's a little bit unfair? Making us take our vows while they sneak off for a little sally on the side?"

"Sally on the side?" Jon snorted.

"It's silly, isn't it?" Sam asked, sounding awfully exasperated. "What, we can't defend the Wall unless we're celibate? It's absurd."

Uncomfortably, Jon's stomach churned as his mind wandered back to the night Amaris was in his chambers. He could vividly remember the way her gown pooled at her feet and the moonlight glinted off her breasts. Swallowing thickly, he turned his attention back to his friend.

"I didn't think you'd be so upset about it."

"Why not? Because I'm fat?" Sam jested, not sounding upset with Jon. "I like girls just as much as you do. They might not like me just as much. I've never... been with one. You've probably had hundreds."

Squaring back his shoulders, Jon looked straight at Sam. The last thing he wanted to think of was Amaris Baratheon and the way she begged for him to run away with her.

"As a matter of fact, I'm the same as you," Jon confessed.

"I find that hard to believe," Sam scoffed.

"I came very close once," Jon said, biting his lip. "I was alone in a room with a naked girl."

"You didn't know where to put it?"

"I know where to put it," Jon scowled.

"Was she... old and ugly?" Sam guessed, trying to figure out why Jon would walk away from a naked, willing girl.

"Young and gorgeous," Jon replied, his voice soft and wistful.

He could vividly see Amaris as if she were standing right before him, her lips curved into that playful, coy smile as her mocha eyes twinkled under the light. He could see her hair billowing down her back, whipping around in the wind. He could hear her laugh. It was all so painful.

"What color hair?"

"Brown," Jon said. "I had always thought brown hair to be dull, but it's not."

Nothing about Amaris was dull. Everything about her was wild, exhilarating and beautiful.

"I like red hair," Sam said off handedly. "And her... her..." he trailed off, gesturing up towards his chest.

Jon rolled his eyes, biting back a laugh. "You don't want to know."

"That good?"

"Better," Jon jested.

"Oh no," Sam disagreed. "So why exactly did you not make love to the beauty with the perfect–"

"What's my name?" Jon asked, cutting Sam off.

"Jon Snow."

"And why is my surname Snow?"

"Because you're a bastard from the north."

A heavy sigh spilled from Jon's lips as the conversation turned heavy.

"I never met my mother. My father wouldn't even tell me her name. I don't know if she's living or dead. I don't know if she's a noblewoman or a fisherman's wife... or a whore."

Jon felt like he could not breathe. His chest grew tight as he thought back to Amaris crying, pleading for him to not go to the wall.

"So I stood there in my chambers as the girl I love took off her clothes. But I couldn't do it. Because all I could think was what if I got her pregnant and she had a child, another bastard named Snow? It's not a good life for a child and it would ruin her. She's highborn, but she loved me anyway."

__________

Solemnly, Jon marched towards the Weirwood Tree, Sam and a few senior officers of the Watch with him. He and Sam were to take their oath, swear their lives to the Night's Watch. If he was being honest with himself, Jon was terrified. Once he uttered the words, there was absolutely no going back.

However, he pushed that fear aside and knelt before the tree.

"Night gathers and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take–"

Jon's voice caught itself in the base of his throat. He tried to force the words out of his mouth, but nothing came.

It's too late, he told himself. You blew your chance with Amaris. She hates you now. She would never take you as her husband.

"I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire the burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realm of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch – for this night and all nights to come."

__________

"Bring me a horn of ale, Snow," the Lord Commander, Jeor Mormont, told Jon. "And pour one for yourself."

Silently, Jon did just that and sat down in the chair before Mormont's desk.

"The king is dead," Mormont stated bluntly.

Amaris flashed in Jon's mind. She, in their time together, had told Jon all about her family. He knew she loved her uncle. He knew she feared the day Joffrey would sit atop the Iron Throne. A day for winter and wilted roses, she had called it.

"Is there any word of my father?" Jon asked.

"Lord Stark has been charged with treason. They say he conspires with Robert's brothers to deny the throne to Prince Joffrey."

"I know Amaris Baratheon, my lord," Jon said, cringing as he spoke. "We met when the king came to Winterfell. She once told me that the day Prince Joffrey claimed the Iron Throne would be a day for winter and wilted roses."

Mormont hummed but said nothing. He then turned back to Jon, eyes narrowed accusingly.

"I hope you're not thinking of doing anything stupid. Your duty lies here now."

____________________

just lil tidbits of what jon's up to and what he's thinking about

the social media companion to this is up! it's called wonderstruck, check it out.

also, if i made a ramsay story would you guys read it? bc i'm in love with iwan rheon and yeah.

-bleuseys